Proverbs Lady in training

2011 Christmas Letter

2011-12-29T14:59:00.000-08:00

We are in a frenzy as we try to complete preparations for our trip to Indiana. So what am I doing writing my Christmas letter? Sometimes you just have to do it when the desire hits. And the desire just hit me. So what was 2011 like in the Rogers household? We learned a lot. And I am not even referring to typical school learning. I am more meaning learnings of the heart and soul. We learned how to be patient with each other, gracious to others even when our flesh was screaming for revenge and the joy of nightly family dinners. We have much more to learn, I am sure, but at least we have gone through the beginnings of heart changes. Speaking of heart changes, there was a lot of birthing going on here.

Our cat had a litter of 4 kittens and we hatched 4 clutches of chickens for a total of 24 chicks. We had a lovely garden of a variety of tomatoes, sweet onions, basil, jalapenos, arugula, zucchini, and bell peppers. I have never been so grateful for the end of the summer growing season as I have eaten my weight in arugula and was very ready for cabbage, squash and other fall vegetables.

Josiah is now 9 years old and Naomi is 7. We continue to homeschool and the kids have joined Cub Scouts and Keepers of the Faith, respectively. They are really enjoying earning their pins and all the activities that go with it. They are also in AWANAS which is a Bible based club of sorts. Naomi has been steadily learning homemaking skills like canning, baking and quilting. She is my natural-born fashionista. Josiah really enjoys the camping aspects of the Scouts. He continues to be fascinated with sharks and ocean life; my marine biologist in the making.

Roughly 8 months ago, Dustin and I became the coordinators of the food share ministry of our church. We provide food bags of non-perishable goods to roughly 70 families every month. We have noticed a trend and change in this ministry as the economy remains sluggish and ask that you would pray not only for our current families but also for those that will be coming as food and gas prices rise and employment is difficult to attain.

Dustin continues to work at BST (Behavioral Science Technologies). He LOVES his work and he works with the neatest people. We are so blessed to know them and have them be a part of our lives.

We are really excited to be headed to Indiana to visit with Dustin's folks. This will be our first visit there with both kids. They are going to be shocked when they meet all of their cousins and aunts and uncles. Which brings me back to the beginning, I should be packing.

Happy New Year!

Life on a Chicken Farm

2011-12-27T12:19:00.000-08:00

Friends often make remarks to us about our "chicken farm." They love reading the quirky stories about our fine feathered friends that live in the back lot. Funny thing is, I never really considered it all to be a chicken farm. That is until I received a culling set from my husband for Christmas and I was thrilled to receive it! I guess we do have a chicken farm. It has been a slow, steady movement from 2 hens to 24 hens and a rooster.

At first it was all about fresh eggs. Then it was about hatching 4 clutches of eggs and experiencing the precious beauty of life bursting forth from a dormant egg. Then there was the realization that we have to do something with all the roosters we hatched. We could give them away, we could let them roam free in the wild... the decision was made and our "chicken farm" came full circle with Culling Day 2011.

On a sunny, warm October morning I required the ultimate sacrifice from 4 roosters. The same roosters that we marveled at when they hatched from their eggs, laughed at when they were chicks hopping after their mama and the same chickens that made us cringed when we realized the tufts on their backside were more like rooster feathers than hens, were the same chickens I led to slaughter.

After butchering and dressing the chickens, I felt the most humane thing to do would be to honor the chickens in every way. We saved their feathers to make ornaments out of. We saved other feathers for fly fisherman and hair stylists. The gizzards went to nourish family dogs. Someday we will get the guts to make broth from the feet but like I said, slow and steady, that time will come.

The response from our family and friends that received the feather ornaments has been mixed. Most love it. Others are repulsed and others are not quite so sure. Either way the reactions are intriguing to me. It reminds me that we are so far removed from death. We find it easy to purchase little packages of meat but we cannot fathom eating that which we raise ourselves. We forget that in this fallen world, sacrifices of death are required. Even seeds die to produce for us plants and those plants must die to give us herbs and salad and tea. But I digress. The point is I am happy to acknowledge our chicken farm, honored to better understand God's marvelous creation..... but am not ready to accept the title chicken farmer. I guess that will come soon enough but for now I will file it away in the slow and steady part.

Currently off the shelf...

2011-12-07T10:34:00.000-08:00

"Mama often shared wise words from the Bible. As I plopped down on the porch steps to pet General, I tried to remember when Mama did not have her Bible nearby. I couldn't."
- excerpt from God's Courageous Composer: Francis Scott Key by David Collins

What picture do I create in my children's mind? Is it of a mom staring into a computer screen so I could "socialize" or is it of a mom with her phone nearby always checking for another text?

I know what it is I desire for my kids to see. I desire for them to see a woman desperately in love with Jesus with worn out knees from praying; a sinner saved by grace. I want them to remember waking up and finding their mama at the table with Bible wide open, cup of tea next to my journal and head bowed in reverence to the One that has given me life. I want them to see a contented woman that deeply loves her husband and her children. I also want them to see I don't have all the answers but I know where to find them. But the question remains: What picture do I create?

Where and at what do I spend my time and energies? What do I consistently do because those things are the brush strokes of the picture I am creating. It is not the once in a while activities that create the picture. Those are mere pinpoints in a beautiful canvas. I believe it is those consistent activities that truly color my picture. It is the laundry and dinner making, the night time traditions of reading and game playing, the respect and honor shown to my husband, the tending, and caring of little people, and the serving of others in need that make up the grand picture that I am indelibly drawing in the minds of my children.

"You're so good at those things."

2011-11-21T15:42:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine was dropping her daughter off to have a play date with Naomi and she made a comment about the upcoming Women's Tea Party that stopped me in my tracks. She said, "You're so good at those things. I couldn't do that." I had to immediately correct her. Truth is- I am not good at tea parties. I am not good at being organized and showing hospitality. I force myself to do such things because I believe in what the Bible says about being hospitable. And I will never learn to do that if I don't practice it.

I do not remember ever having a tea party in my house as a child. I remember the occasional church tea party but I never had little friends over dressed in lace with gloves and hats. I think I have been to more tea parties as an adult than as a child. In any case I confessed. I told her that I actually get books from the library so that I can learn how to throw a tea party and what foods to make and how to follow a theme. I get ideas from the internet and I feel nervous every time I send out invitations thinking that I may be the only one who shows up.

Thankfully my friend was gracious about it. We both laughed. She had no idea. She thought I had it all together. Isn't that what we think of everyone else? They have it together and I don't? It was a nice reminder for me to be vulnerable with others. To share those dirty little secret that guess what? I'm winging this walk too! And by the grace of God, He will get me where He wants me to be.

Disciple

2011-09-08T20:59:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed that I am posting more than normal lately but I just can't contain myself. God has been speaking so clearly and so often that I have to put it somewhere besides my journal. I need to share it! My latest jewel from the Word is Isaiah 50:4. God has been re-directing my heart in the area of homeschool all summer. It is not just about academics or from some idea that I must protect the kids from the evil public school. It has really been a matter of what is best for our kids. Most of you may not remember that Josiah began Kindergarten in our public school but it was a difficult road to walk with his special needs and it was disheartening to watch our sweet boy turn into a ball of nerves and anger. So when he came home for Spring Break and began to become his normal sweet self, we never let him go back. As noble as that rescue may have been, the truth is homeschooling is not for the faint of heart and probably should not be done unless the Lord has specifically called you to it. There is no way you can succeed without being totally reliant upon Him day to day.

But this summer God has been stirring my heart regarding discipleship and the need for me to disciple my kids and be purposeful about it within their school time. I just finished a study on Joseph's life and it was amazing for me to learn that 90+ of his 110 years of life were spent in slavery. Yet Joseph knew the God of Jacob. He understood His Holiness and His Sovereignty enough to remain an upright man despite his circumstances. And I wondered- If my kids were torn from me like Daniel or Joseph and taken to their own Babylon or Egypt would they remain faithful to the God of their forefathers? Would they know enough of God's character and His promises to stand firm in the midst of chaos and trouble?

So I began studying discipleship. The first verse I came to is Isaiah 50:4.
Holman Christian Standard reads:

The Lord God has given me the tongue of those who are instructed

to know how to sustain the weary with a word. He awakens me each morning.

He awakens my ear to listen like those being instructed.

New American Standard reads:

The Lord God has given me the tongue of disciples.

that I may know how to sustain the weary with a word.

He awakens me morning by morning.

He awakens my ear to listen like those being instructed.

New Living reads:

The Sovereign Lord has given me His words of wisdom,
      so that I know how to comfort the weary.
   Morning by morning He wakens me
      and opens my understanding to His will.

As I began to look up key words, I was awed by their meaning.

Disciple: at its root means to goad, to teach, instruct.

Know: to ascertain by seeing, used in a great variety of senses.

Sustain: to hasten, succor, speak in season

Word: a matter, spoken of, to speak in a sense subdue, answer

ear: hear, broaden at ear with hand

listen: to hear intelligently, witness, discern, be obedient

As I continue to ponder this I see my personal need to broaden my ear with my hand to the promptings of the Holy Spirit as well as a need for me to speak with wisdom to my kids in all matters. But I cannot speak with such wisdom if I am not listening to the Sovereign Lord myself. So the beginning of this road to disciple the kids begins with me and my relationship with the Lord in hope that the kids will one day remember the God of their father Dustin which is the God of Jacob, Abraham and Isaac.

This year's school verse..... (drum roll please)

2011-09-07T22:42:00.000-07:00

"He will teach us how we should live.

Then we will live the way He wants us to."

Isaiah 2:3b (NIRV)

Creekside Learning Center Year 4

2011-09-05T23:05:00.000-07:00

My mind has been on overdrive as we get ready for another year of homeschooling. Tomorrow is the big day! We begin our 4th year of Creekside Learning Center, our homeschool. Over the summer God has been reminding me that it is not curriculum that makes our school unique. Nor is it the worksheets we complete or the concepts learned. Rather it is the opportunity to disciple my kids. Am I more concerned with the heart or their academics? Am I mindful that school is more than a checklist of subjects completed? It is also about character, family and faith. It is about investing into my children. This path we have chosen is not for the faint of heart. And it is not to be taken lightly. Nor should I even think I could do this without the Providential hand of God guiding me every step of the way. I am feeling very somber about the beginning of our school year. I desperately want to be purposeful in our daily class time. Purposeful to point to the many ways God is in each subject. To live before the kids a life dependent upon the Holy Spirit and to examine the heart of the issue not just gloss over the subject.

Josiah will begin third grade, Naomi second. We have the literature. We have the paper and pencils. And now we invite God to lead us in this adventure. To teach us, humble us and make known His Name for His Name's sake.

George Mueller Living

2011-08-24T14:36:00.000-07:00

Five months ago, my husband became the chairman of the Food Share ministry in Ojai called Operation Blessing. I had volunteered for this ministry several times in the past so I knew a little bit about what we were getting ourselves into. But I had no idea the amount to which it would challenge my faith and prayer life.

Operation Blessing distributes food once a month to local low-income families. We averaged 120 families a month. The families receive a banana box of non-perishable foods and local produce. We also receive commodities from USDA and on occasion we will have frozen meats and cheeses. The amount of food given to each family is designed to assist them and give them some breathing room in their budget so they can concentrate on keeping their utilities on, etc..

As Dustin has made changes, some responsibilities have fallen to me since he is unable to get work off in order to accomplish theses vital areas. I have become the "shopper." Once a month I go to the Food Share warehouse and buy all the foods needed for our monthly distribution. I have made a conscious effort to focus on healthy staples and have eliminated the sugary desserts, juices, and other "junk" food.

Most Americans do not realize that there is a serious food shortage coming our way. Items such as rice, beans and peanut butter will become high demand items in the near future. The strain is being felt by the Food Share community as federal funds have decreased 50% this year and will decrease another 20% within the next year. All that to say that I have been intently praying for the commodities that we need most.

Last month I asked God for peanut butter. We hadn't seen any peanut butter jars for 3 months. When I walked into the warehouse, I was shocked. Three-fourths of the palettes were empty. I walked to one of the palettes that had food and the box read, "Peanut Butter, Jelly and Honey." I was ecstatic. I put the max 10 cases on my cart and when I looked across the aisle, I saw a palette full of peanut butter cases which meant I could get another 10 cases! It was like Christmas for me. Thank you Lord for hearing my plea for peanut butter. Then I thought, why did I stop at peanut butter? I should have asked for our other needs as well. As I am beating myself up for not having enough faith, I tell God that we could use canned vegetables too. I had not even finish the thought when the forklift put down a new palette behind me. A full palette of CANNED VEGETABLES! Oh how I was rejoicing. (BTW, every box that said it contained peanut butter, jelly and honey, has only had peanut butter so we have double the amount we would normally be allowed to have.)

Today was another one of those moments. I took inventory of our pantry earlier this week and decided to bring to God the needs of the pantry. I had a little scrap of paper with four items written on it. Four items that have been in scarce supply and if found, I would need to get the maximum amount allowed. Once again God proved his faithfulness by having all four items ready for me to purchase for our families. And He proved His extravagance by having boxed cereals; a commodity we have not seen in over 6 months.
Oh the richness of our God!!

Matthew 6:31-32

New Living Translation (NLT)

³¹ “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ ³² These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.

Philippians 4:19
New Living Translation (NLT)
¹⁹ And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

Mama Hen

2011-07-10T08:04:00.000-07:00

My sweet girl's favorite hen, and the only one we named, is a Cuckoo Maran named April. April began stealing all the other hen's eggs a couple of months ago in order to create for herself a clutch of eggs that she could sit on and hatch. It became a battle of the will as I would go out and check the nesting boxes 4, maybe 5 times a day and try to stop her from moving eggs and consequently breaking a number of them. Not only was it exhausting for me but it turns out it was pretty futile on my part. I finally gave in and set up a large dog crate with the essentials for a broody hen and chose 7 eggs for April to set on.

Twenty-one days later, to our great surprise, April hatched 6 out of the 7 eggs. I love watching her care for you chicks. I could do it for hours. She is a great teacher. I watch her teach the chicks how to scratch for food. I watch her show them how to catch bugs and which ones to eat and she fiercely protects them. One morning, I was watching her find food for the chicks and God quietly spoke to my heart about the important role a mother plays in the lives of her brood. April constantly instructs verbally and physically. She has a variety of clucks and coos to give her chicks instruction. Proverbs 31:26 says, "She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue." I wondered if someone watching my life could say the same about me.

First Half of 2011

2011-05-26T09:15:00.000-07:00

How pathetic is it that my last post was December 2010. Well, at least I can say life has been eventful around here.

Naomi had a wonderful kitty themed party in April to celebrate her 7th birthday. We had a lovely time with all her friends in the backyard and playing pin the tail on the kitty. Dustin also celebrated a big birthday- #40! We had a great time as a family and took him out for ice cream instead of our standard birthday cake.

We are putting to bed another year of homeschooling. Our third year! I cannot believe how fast it has gone by. This year we learned about Ancient Egypt, honed in on our addition/subtraction facts, practiced time and money skills so we don't get rusty, explored Science with air, in the kitchen and with magnets, read tons of tantalizing books, and wrote several short stories.

Josiah joined Cub Scouts a few months ago. He had his first camping trip 2 weeks ago and he loved it. Not sure that Daddy had the same enthusiasm but they made it home in one piece so I would call it successful. He also has worked really hard on completing some merit badges which he will receive tonight. He is very excited.

I am doing extraordinarily well with my health. I love homeschooling and super duper love my husband. It has been such a pleasure to watch God grow in my husband and kids. And to know the inner workings that He has been doing within my own heart is equally a joy; even when it hurts. But much like Eustace in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, it is a good hurt.

"Then the lion said – but I don't know if it spoke – You will have to let me undress you. I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it. "The very first tear he made was so deep and I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know – if you've ever picked the scab of a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away." (7.41-42)

Bah Humbug

2010-12-13T13:09:00.000-08:00

I am feeling a bit cranky and probably not in the right humor to be posting but I have the day to myself so I am going for it. My crankiness is due to a minor surgery I had last Thursday which was supposed to have a two day recovery time. Let me reiterate: TWO DAYS. Here it is day 4 post operation and I am feeling worse than before I went in. I knew something was wrong when the post op care was for four weeks and not two days. Everyone keeps telling me that is will be worth it in the end. *sigh*

Family Christmas card

2010-12-13T12:39:00.000-08:00

Family Snowfall Red Christmas

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Quick update

2010-09-14T18:19:00.000-07:00

I wish I had more time to blog! Life in the Rogers household has been very busy. We started school on September 1st. I am super excited to see that the kids haven't forgotten everything. (There's Josiah in his Pharaoh's crown.)

Josiah has surprised us with being able to read CVC words which is difficult with his dyslexia. I actually have hope that he will be reading by the end of the year. Yesterday, he read two sentences fluently! Yeah!!!!

Naomi has lost both her front teeth and recently cut 10 inches off her hair in order to donate it to make a wig for my aunt who has cancer. She looks adorable! (See the Before & After pics at top.)

My brother is still living with us and we got news today that he got a job! Yeah for Sam!

This Fall will be abnormally busy for us. Monday nights Dustin and I are providing child care so that others can take the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace class. Tuesday is Women's Bible Study. Wednesday is golf for the kids and Bible Study for Dustin. Thursday will be soccer for the kids starting next week. We normally don't jam pack our weeks like this but it is only for a short season so we are going to plug away.

Currently off the shelf...

2010-09-09T20:58:00.000-07:00

VIOLENT PRAYER by Chris Tiegreen

Wow. Can I just say wow again? I really enjoyed this book. It challenged me to think differently and to maybe reconsider previous notions. I am still weighing some things and deciding what I believe but nonetheless I found it very intriguing.

The following passage really struck a cord with me:

"If you find yourself in frequent external battles, remember tha the most powerful internal response you can have is prayer. But the most powerful external response you can have is submission of your actions to God in faith, humility, patience, and mercy. When you display strife, anger, bitterness, retaliation, discontentment, and other fruits of the flesh, the enemy will grab onto them with a vengeance and do everything he can to deface the kingdom of God. When you display the fruits of the Spirit, however, there's nothing for him to grasp. The kingdom becomes very clear, and in your response to evil you become very balanced-in a lot less time than Moses."

Mixing the Unmixable

2010-06-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

The last month has been quite tumultuous for our household. We took care of great-grandma for two weeks and learned a lot about our family's history and unfortunately, dementia. Then my brother moved in with us. SHortly there after, Dustin's parents came for a surprise visit. We pretty much had visitors for the whole month and we still have my brother around. All of the new distractions and obstructions to our daily routine has thrown me for a loop. I just wanted things back to the way it used to be. My little family, quiet and peaceful and understanding of all the rules. It was right as I was lamenting that God remind me that He does not desire me to stay inside my little bubble. But I love my bubble! I love that everyone knows where to put things away. They all know what is allowed and not allowed. They graciously put up with my idiosyncrasies and most important, they know the routine!

As I was trying to gain some semblance of normalcy with all the chaos around me, the news was saturated with the BP oil disaster. I watched the gooey stuff flowing out and floating through the pristine ocean. I saw the pictures of trapped wildlife and oil-soaking birds unable to fly. I felt like that oil spill resembled my life. My private, tranquil life had been turned upside down with visitors and changes. The hardest part for me was having visitors that did not understand our desire to live in a way that pleases God. It was like the oil had met the water and we were unable to mix well.... more like impossible for us to mix. God's Word tells us that light cannot be with darkness. We are called to be salt in this world; different from the norm. SO what is it saying when I want to remain in my own salt, with my own salty friends and my own salty church? It means I am missing out on opportunities to grow and opportunities to share my God with others who do not know the Truth.

I heard one expert remark that the hurricane season will be a help and not a hindrance with the oil. With the churning of the sea during hurricanes, the oil will be broken into pieces so much that it will become like the water. That can only happen if the storm is violent enough. And I wondered, will it take a violent act of some kind to transform the lives of unbelievers in my life to a personal relationship with God? One that will bounce them around so much that they finally surrender to a mighty God?

I do know this- I have become to comfortable in my own realm. The question is: What will I do about it?

SABBATH

2010-05-20T08:10:00.000-07:00

Our pastor has been preaching on a series about the Ten Commandments. Last week was the fourth commandment, regarding keeping a holy day or a Sabbath. Dustin and began talking about what the Sabbath will look like for our family and I realized that I had never really given it any thought. I just assumed that as a mom of young children, I was exempt from a day of rest. It was in our conversation that the theme of preparation came up (again!) and I realized that young mom or not, I need a day to refocus on God and the task He has set before me and to consciously replenish my spirit as well.

In order to accomplish the goal of "rest," Dustin and I decided that we would do several things.

1. Crockpot dinner

2. Paper plates/bowls

3. No laundry/ deep cleaning

4. Giving myself permission to just sit back and enjoy my family.

Needless to say, in order to accomplish these things, we will need to prepare the week before. Laundry will need to be completed. Dinner items purchased and planned. You get the idea. Funny thing is, I am realizing that with God there is more freedom then there are restrictions. I am so excited to spend a day doing that which I love the most. I plan to be spending time reading, worshipping, taking long walks, gardening, painting with the kids, and maybe even a nap.

The point is that I had put on myself so many restrictions and expectations. Much like the Israelites, I took God's Law and added a burden to them that God did not intend. There is freedom in Christ!

Active

2010-05-12T08:22:00.001-07:00

Do you ever have those times in your life where there is a "theme"? You hear the same topic at church and on the radio and in your reading and in conversations with friends. I have been having such a theme in my life for the last couple of months. In a previous blog I wrote about what God was teaching me about being prepared so that I can regularly meet with Him. I have also shared with you about a book I have been struggling to read by Sally Clarkson, "Dancing With My Father." This morning all of these "coincidental" topics came together in a very real and tangible way.

I am at the tail end of the Clarkson book. A book that I would normally breeze through has taken me along a long winding road. Much like the road little Christian took in "Pilgrim's Progress." Some parts were easy to walk on, some parts I had to work on and other parts I had to sit by the road and rest - digesting all of the contents. I have been distracted by the very things that needed to be transformed. Condemnation, self-destruction, fatigue, hopelessness, faithlessness..... basically everything that was the antithesis of joy. For some reason, I had it in my head that joy looked like a cheerleader. If I really had joy I would be bubbly and smiley and always cheerful. But too often I find myself grumbling and with a sour look on my face. This can't be what God had in store for me.

And so this morning as I am piecing together all the ways this concept of joy has been presented to me, I realized that there is one important area that I have to grab hold of if I am ever going to live a life of joy. I must join my Father in the dance!

If I were at a gala or ballroom event I would spend a lot of time preparing myself for the main event. I would bathe and put on sweet smelling perfume. I would specifically choose my garments and shoes. I would spend time on my appearance and hair. I would grab the right accessories. I would make sure I knew how to dance. I would be prepared.

Not only do I need to be prepared, I must be willing to participate! Why would I dress for the ball and never join in and go out on the dance floor? That would be silly. Yet many times I have chosen to sit in my garments of righteousness, fitted with the shoes of the gospel and the knowledge of Christ and never allow my loving Father to take my hand and lead me out to the dance floor. I was afraid I would fall or look like the fool. I was afraid I didn't look good enough or others would laugh. The truth is that my Father is brilliant enough for the both of us. And the only opinion and approval I need is His. And He has given me everything I need to join Him in this dance.

There is so much more I am learning but the one theme that continues to come to my mind is that I am to be active. The Christian walk is not one of passivity. I am to put on the armor of God, I am to pray continually, seek God first, run the race, compete for the prize, turn away from evil, pursue righteousness.... when I am active in all these things, joy will well up inside of me and overflow out of His grace and mercy. I won't need to look like the Christian cheerleader I once envisioned. I will look like the daughter of the King- content, joyful, at peace and free.

There are so many more tidbits that I have gleaned from this book. I couldn't possibly share them all nor would I want to. You need to walk that road yourself and see how God speaks to you. But I would definitely recommend this book. In fact, I have already given a couple of copies to my friends. So many women are struggling right now. Consider buying one copy for yourself and one for a friend so that you can join each other on this journey to finding true and lasting joy.

Preparadeness

2010-04-26T08:35:00.000-07:00

God has been challenging me lately to be more disciplined in my Christian walk. There have been seasons in my life when my quiet times were during the late night hours and that served me well. When little ones came along, my quiet times were in the afternoon during "nap time." Within the last month I have been feeling God urging me to meet Him in the morning. I am not an early riser and certainly God knows this. Regardless, I set my heart to try.

After stumbling to find my Bible and journal and then getting my eyes adjusted to the light, I would try to shake my mental facilities to wake up but it never really worked. I would either read and have no semblance of meeting with God, forget everything I read or even fall asleep with my face in my Bible till the kids woke me up. I have also tried to set my quiet time necessities next to the bed so I could just move it onto the bed and then read ..... doesn't work. Next I set everything by the dining room table and would awaken out of my slumber and shuffle off to the table and try to commune with God. I was getting into a good routine and feeling somewhat successful but still feeling like I could do better.

One morning as I awoke and was feeling extra groggy because of the late night hours I had kept, I questioned God about why we had to meet so early? Doesn't He see that I am tired? As quick as lightning, God showed me the missing piece: Preparedness. I was not preparing myself to meet with God. It wasn't just about getting up early, it was also about making sure I was physically able to do so. Those preparations would have to happen the night before. How could I possibly expect to wake up early when I stay up so late!? Time for this night owl to adapt a new behavior.

So I have set it in my mind and heart to go to bed earlier so that I can meet with my God in the morning before the kids wake up. So far, the first week has been successful. I am really enjoying being awake when I sit down with my Bible and journal and hot tea. All I needed was some discipline and preparation. Not a bad exchange when it means I get to meet with the God of the universe, the God who so deeply loves me that He sent His Son to be my payment for sin.

Finding joy

2010-04-20T12:19:00.000-07:00

Shame on me for not writing sooner. This month has been quite the roller coaster. From extreme tension headaches to the pure delight of having little people around. I am still trudging through my book, Dancing with My Father by Sally Clarkson. And it is still a slow journey as God reveals to me how much I take for granted and how much I choose not to be joyful. OUCH!

I was talking to some of the moms at my homeschool group and found out that I am not alone. isn't it like Satan to make us think we are the only ones who suffer and cannot find joy? It turns out that we women really struggle with finding joy. Regardless of whether you stay at home or work full time or go to school. Joy, true joy, is elusive to us. Why is that? Why are we trudging along when we, who believe in Jesus Christ, have become heirs to the throne of God? The Bible calls us righteous, a royal priesthood, a chosen people and yet we spend our days like a herd of Eeyores.

I don't know what the reason is for you but I am certainly seeing things anew as I read through this book. I am finding the nooks and crannies of where my thinking has gone askew. Areas that I have not let God cleanse and just plain choosing not to choose joy. I am about halfway through the book and continue to be challenged. I have recommended this book as a great summer read to my homeschool book and I would challenge you all too. Spend your summer reclaiming the joy God intended for you. It will be so worth it. Join me in choosing joy.

Hired Hand

2010-03-25T15:48:00.000-07:00

Dustin and I recently began a course through Financial Peace University. While we are in class, the kids are next door being cared for by one of their friend's grandma and our regular babysitter. We did not know that they would actually have some "schooling" which is a great surprise. The first night they heard about the Bible story where Jesus says He is the Good Shepherd and not like a hired hand who runs away at the first sight of danger.

The next day, Naomi asked me if Daddy is like the good shepherd because he protects and provides for us. I agreed that that would be a correct analogy as long as we remember that Jesus is the BEST protector and provider we have. And then she asked, "Does that make you the hired hand?" I was a little appalled at the thought but I kept my cool and said, "Well, do I run away from danger like a hired hand would or do I have another role?" She paused for a moment and said, "I know! You're the sheep dog!"

"Why is that?" I inquired. She quickly retorted, "Because you are the shepherd's helper!"

If only we adults could get this straight as easily as kids do. Sheep dogs are no less important in the workings of a ranch or sheep fold and yet they do not go around barking incessantly about being demoralized or undervalued. They do their part and take joy in their work. May I be a like a joyful sheep dog as I endeavor to work hard for my family and be a good helper to my husband.

Torchlighters

2010-03-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

This year I have been teaching a class at Groups about Famous Missionaries. We have studied George Mueller, Gladys Alyward, Adoniram Judson, Hudson Taylor, David Livingstone, Amy Carmichael, Samuel Morris, William and Catherine Booth and William Tyndale. All in all they represent 4 continents and at least 3 new translations of the Good News.

As a way to "spice" up the class, I recently purchased a couple of Torchlighters videos to share in class. I didn't quite know what to expect but they came highly recommended. I just watched the video on Gladys Alyward and I am floored. The video was a great representation of her life and the way God used her. It truly brought me to tears.

I also watched the William Tyndale version and that too was excellent. But since it shows him being burnt at the stake for his faith, I would highly suggest only allowing children older then 10 to view it. It seems per prosperous to think of "the church" not wanting the common man to read the Bible for himself. How grateful I am to have the word of God available at all times. And to see the sacrifice it took for me to be free to read and allow the Holy Spirit to interpret it was eye opening.

I am amazed at the way people like Alyward and Tyndale have lived their lives. They are people who took God at His word and trusted Him with everything; even their own lives.

Where did it go?

2010-03-14T21:09:00.001-07:00

I wrote a blog last week and now I cannot find it. Weird. I have no idea what it was about so I couldn't retype it if I tried. So I will just try to write a brief overview of our last two weeks.

Funny how I can't seem to remember anything that happened now that I have time to sit down and write. I will tell you that I have been wrestling with many things. We are not the type of rush around, go get 'em, schedule everything really tight kind of people. We like to take our time. We are the kind of family that will finish dinner and sit and talk for about 30-60 minutes after. We don't like to be on the road alot and we certainly don't like rushing from one event to the next. With that in mind, we have been rushing around on Wednesday nights trying to be involved in our area of ministry. But it just wasn't working for us. Dustin and I were both frustrated at the rush rushing and the kids were quite tired and exhausted when it was all said and done. So my very wise husband asked me to take a break and stay home with the kids on Wednesday night. We used to have tea parties and read books before there was a children's ministry so we will go back to that. I got a great book on character building that I will be using on those nights. Dustin will be able to enjoy the whole meeting for the men and the kids will go to bed at a decent time. I think it will be a win-win situation. In the Fall we will reconsider our options and try again.

The kids will be beginning their new curriculum next week. We have already started on some of the books but it won't officially start till next week. I have decided to go a different route this year. While we will be having the same "subjects" I will be approaching them differently according to the strengths of the kids. I will use a Charlotte Mason approach for Josiah and a classical Dorothy Sayers approach for Naomi. I am excited to be choosing my own curriculum for them.

I recently hurt my neck moving furniture. I was wanting to surprise my husband.... guess I did big time. In any case, I hope to go to the chiropractor tomorrow and feel better. For right now I am hurting so I will bid you all farewell. I had wanted to write about the great books I am reading but that will have to wait.

Snapshot of this week....

2010-03-06T15:11:00.000-08:00

I have spent the last two weeks in a place I call the Curriculum Vortex. Praying, reading, researching and deciding on what curriculum we should use for the next year. Our school year is not the normal Sept.-May so that is why I am looking at those things now. It has been particularly hard this year as I am moving in a new direction. I will be teaching Josiah in a Charlotte Mason method using living books and things and a more logical, classical approach for Naomi. I have polar opposites with these two sweeties. Josiah is my right brain creative, sensitive guy and Naomi is my logical, left-brain, no nonsense, just the facts girl. So while they will have the same subjects, the approach will be considerably different. I found some items on eBay and the rest I ordered from Rainbow Resources. Looks like I am all set for the remainder of this calendar year and I cannot wait to get started.

Last weekend Dustin went on his annual missions trip to the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. He had a great time serving but was exhausted when he got home. I have such respect for military and public service wives. Every time Dustin is gone for a couple of days, I am reminded at the heavy burden those wives carry to support their husbands. I do not think I could do it. My hat is off to them.

This week will end in us celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary. We have been reflecting and praising God for taking these two wretchedly selfish people and creating a beautiful relationship. I can't get out of my head the quote - What if God didn't give us marriage to makes us happy but to make us holy? I would definitely say that is true. In the short time that we have been married I have seen Christ more through my husband than 25 years of being involved in a church. He daily out serves me and never seeks recognition or applause. That is not to say that we do not have our issues or that he succeeds everyday in those things. But when he does, I no longer see my earthly husband but my heavenly groom through him. I thank God for giving me such a wonderful husband. I thank God for spurring me on through my husband. And I am looking forward to the next decade as we continue to grow in the Word and Spirit together.

Day 3

2010-02-27T23:09:00.000-08:00

Days without my husband are long, rewarding and exhausting. I have noticed the kids sure get to eat a lot more sweets. (Overcompensating for Daddy's absence perhaps?) In my mind I have begun a series of without you phrases.

For instance:

Without you, the bed is ridiculously cold.

Without you, coffee isn't so great.

Without you, I am the only one laughing at the kids. (You heard me right, at the kids.)

Without you, I am not really motivated to cook gourmet meals.

Without you, there is no evening expectation.

Without you, .......

I am sure I will think of more in the remaining day and night to come. All of this got me to thinking of marriage and how it represents Christ and the Bride.

Without Christ, the Bride is cold.

Without Christ, the Bride loses meaning in menial tasks.

Without Christ, there is no joy within the Bride.

Without Christ, there is no hope or desire to live a life of excellance.

Without Christ, there is no long expected return of the King.

Without Christ,.......

How would you fill in the blank?

Side note: I just realized that "evening expectation" could be taken differently than I intended. I meant the portion of the evening after the kids are in bed and we can enjoy each other's company and talk.

Day 1

2010-02-26T00:00:00.001-08:00

Dustin left for his annual missions trip to the Las Vegas Motor Speedway today. I am always so excited for him even thought t means a grueling 5 days solo with the kids for me. It is not grueling because I have the kids to my self since I absolutely adore being with them but it is hard to sleep alone and I am not as rough and tumble as Daddy which can cause some craziness late afternoon. In any case, I am especially exited for Dustin this year because I am expecting God to do something wonderful. I have never seen Dustin so prepared on a spiritual level. The man was prayed up! So if you think of it, please pray for the team: Dustin, Tim, Bud, Samantha and Tom. I can't wait to see what wonders God does.

Castle

2010-02-25T23:29:00.000-08:00

We recently read a couple of Magic Tree House books that had castles in it and then we read the study guide that depicts life in the Medieval Ages so the kids decided to build our own castle out of blocks. Here are the results.
I was very impressed. We just need a moat and it would have been perfect.

The book shows our "blueprint."

The aerial shot shows the people in the courtyard.

Dancing like David

2010-02-17T23:05:00.000-08:00

So I had to write about the book I mentioned earlier (Dancing With My Father by Sally Clarkson). I am still digesting and going through it slowly but I was so excited to be reading about David and the way he dance before the Lord that I had to stop and write.

I don't know if it is my baptist upbringing that causes me to stifle myself but I so want to be like David! I want to dance with joy before the Lord. Often times I feel like I am in an iPod commercial. Remember the one where people are casually walking down the street with earplugs on but their shadow are fully dancing and rocking out? That is how I feel. My heart soars at the greatness of my God. My shadow jumps and leaps, bows down low and lifts up out-stretched arms freely. My shadow sings out with all my strength and tears flow out of pure joy. My shadow does not care who is around or what a fool I look like. The only thing my shadow cares about is expressing my adoration, love and joy for my King. Oh, to allow myself to be like that in real life: unhindered.

Sally wrote: "I believe that David saw in God great freedom- that his God created pleasure, color, beauty, food, love, sound, taste, and deep happiness. David was not tied up in knots of religion and rules, pretense and performance. Instead, he enjoyed and delighted in the God whom he knew to be his close friend and Lord. his dancing was a genuine expression of what he felt in his heart for his most beloved and intimate companion."

Oh, how I pray I can learn to be like David and allow my shadow to come into the light and rejoice in my most precious treasure.

The Power of Conviction

2010-02-17T22:28:00.001-08:00

The other morning Josiah and Naomi were doing their normal pretend play after breakfast and I heard Josiah speak a bit crossly to Naomi. As I stood washing the dishes, Naomi ran into the kitchen and buried her face in my leg whimpering that Josiah hurt her feelings and said mean things to her. Right behind her came Josiah declaring his innocence. I sighed and looked them both in the eyes. I had heard what Josiah said and he did not say anything wrong but the tone was displeasing to me nonetheless. I simply reminded him that even though his words were not mean, the way in which he spoke was hurtful. I hugged Naomi and reminded her that she controls whether she lets her feelings be hurt or not. And there was no need for her to be so dramatic. (which has been a theme for the last couple of weeks.) Off they went and that was that.

About an hour later, we were making a fruit smoothie. Whenever the blender goes on, the kids cover their ears and stare at the swirling fruit become pulverized. Thirty seconds after the blender began Josiah starts to yell above the blender motor, "Can you stop it?! Mom! Can you stop the blender?!" And then I saw it. A wash of conviction had fallen over his face. I had already forgotten about the morning's first infraction but as soon as I saw his face, I knew what was going on within him. It is that subtle nagging within your spirit that even though unintended, you hurt the feelings of someone you love. And you cannot rest until you make emends even though the offended party has moved on and even though you did not really "do' anything wrong. Yet there still remains unfinished business and your conscience will not let it go until you make it right.

He took a deep breathe and looked at Naomi and said, "Naomi, I am sorry I spoke harshly to you earlier." Naomi, who I am sure had forgotten all about it until he brought it up again, beamed at him and quickly retorted, "That's okay. I mean, I forgive you, Josiah." And she reached up and gave him a huge hug. Josiah cupped his chubby hands over his ears, looked at me and said, "Okay Mom. We're ready." I smiled and turned the blender on again. I think my heart was whirling with pride faster than the fruit smoothie concoction spinning before me.

Dancing with my Father preview

2010-02-14T22:33:00.001-08:00

I received a copy of Dancing With My Father by Sally Clarkson with the agreement that I would review it and share my thoughts with my friends and hopefully get the word out on Sally's latest book. I assumed that I would be able to plow through it so I could get a review out as soon as possible and then re-read it so that I could let her sage wisdom seep into my psyche and catch anything I may have missed. I didn't even get into the first chapter before I realized that this book review is going to be quite different.

This book has been like a sucker punch to the stomach for me. (in a good way) Sally begins by writing the reasoning for writing about joy and for her personal journey of questioning God about joy and why she so lacked it in her life and what does God really mean when He says that we are to live abundant lives. Reading her questions was like hearing my own thoughts. Oh how I have struggled with joy over the last several years. I often feel like the sour puss in the crowd or negative Nelly. It is not who I want to be nor is it what I believe God wants for me. So after the first chapter, I had to put the book down because I was in such turmoil. I needed to take it all to the Lord and confess that my attitudes and my countenance do not reflect my great God when I am unable to genuinely produce joy. So this book review will no be more like a book journey. I am excited to see what God will show me but also a tad hesitant to see what He might unearth.

Catching up.... sorta.

2010-02-13T17:03:00.001-08:00

It has been quite a while since I have had the opportunity to sit down and share the happenings with the Rogers household. Even now, I have dinner cooking and trying to use a few minutes to write before I serve everyone and the rest of the night continues. We spent the day with my brother's daughter and her family so that the "cousins" could hang out. We were fortunate to be able to meet halfway at the Long Beach Aquarium. The kids are exactly one year apart so it is quite fun to listen to their conversations and watch the shenanigans. Josiah (7), Renate (6) and Naomi (5).

My generous parents bought us a Wii last week so we have all been obsessed with playing. I have decided the Wii Tennis is my nemesis. I really stink at it. Naomi is an excellent bowler and Josiah does well with baseball. Daddy is good at every sport, of course!

I have been reading homeschooling books out the ying yang besides the biblical studies that I am currently in. The hardest part of homeschooling is picking curriculum for my kids rather than myself. So I once again am pouring through catalogs and websites. We have been using My Father's World which works well for Josiah but is not challenging enough for Naomi. The other area that I have been researching is dyslexia as Josiah is really struggling with reading and it was one of the things a specialist had mentioned the last time we talked. I actually think he s more of a right brain thinker and would possibly benefit with whole language reading instead of phonics. (Another area I will have to research.)

One cool thing is that we fund some things swimming in the water on top of our pool cover. We were excited because we thought it was dragonfly babies but after researching we identified them as Anopheles; common name, mosquito. But it was cool to find the eggs, larva and pupa. That was science for the day.

My duties await so I will have to write more later.

This week in a nutshell.

2010-01-24T20:51:00.000-08:00

With all the rain and threats of storm, the only thing I can say with confidence is that we read through several Magic Tree House books. Everything else is a blur. I have enjoyed slowing down and hanging out with the kids. I am researching right brain learners, visual-spatial learners and picture thinkers in order to understand the way Josiah's mind works. He is such a brilliant little boy and I just need to find a way to connect it all together. It is a daunting task and I am praying for the strength to continue. There are days when I feel like I am failing him and days when we both feel so smart and successful! This research has consumed me as of late and my website of choice has become Child 1st Publications. I also love the Dianne Craft website.

I am also studying Esther through the Beth Moore study and it is rocking my world! I LOVE it when the Bible becomes alive and that has definitely happened for me. We are only on week 2 but I could just sit and do a marathon study and be perfectly happy. I don't think the kids or husband will enjoy that too much.

So the house looks like a tornado went through and we will probably spend Monday morning tidying up but I have learned that even in the cleaning, there are moments of discipleship that are just as important as "school."

Homework from church

2010-01-19T14:46:00.000-08:00

"When the church eldership is viewed as a status or board position in the church, there will be plenty of volunteers. When it is viewed as a demanding pastoral work, few people will rush to volunteer. One reason there are so few shepherd elders or good church elderships is that generally speaking, men are spiritually lazy. That is a major reason why most churches never establish a biblical eldership. Men are more willing to let someone else fulfill their spiritual responsibilities, whether it be wives, the clergy, or the church professionals. Biblical eldership, however, can't exist in an atmosphere of nominal Christianity. There can be no biblical eldership in a church where there is no biblical Christianity. If a biblical eldership is to function effectively, it requires men who are firmly committed to living out our Lord's principles of discipleship." - Alexander Strauch

The Lost Art of Discipleship

2010-01-15T21:56:00.001-08:00

I mentioned earlier about a great conference for moms and I wanted to also mention Sally Clarkson's new book. I have read two books by her already and am looking forward to getting my hands on this new one. If they are anything like the two I read (Ministry of Motherhood and Seasons of a Mother's Heart), I am in for a treat. The title alone intrigues me because I remember clearly the disdain I had at times for the infant stages. I could not find any joy in diapers, and more diapers and laundry, more laundry, diapers ..... it was overwhelming to me to say the least.

In any case, I love books by mature women who have traveled the road that I am on. I need that in my life. We no longer live in a society where the mother or mother in law or other formidable woman, takes the younger generation and pulls them alongside them. In essence, I believe we have lost the art of discipleship. Women like Sally Clarkson, Carole Joy Seid, Crystal Miller, Beth Moore, Kay Arthur are those women for me. Through their blogs, bible studies and conferences I am being taught what it means to be a godly woman. What it means to manage my home. What it means to train my children. I thank God for these ladies. They have no idea I exists but one day when we are surrounded by glory, they will know what an impact they have had on my life.

Artisan Bread

2010-01-11T00:14:00.000-08:00

I reserved the book Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes over four months ago and finally got it from the library. My first two batches were not very good. I found them to be salty and they didn't form right and some rose awkwardly. I stuck with it and finally am able to make some killer bread. I am so in trouble. We are putting away a boule' loaf a day around here so if you see me waddling around by the end of the month, you will know why.

For our home, we adjusted the recipe to include whole wheat and lessened the salt to 1 Tablespoon. It was worth the wait and it is pretty easy once you get used to working with a wet dough. I am looking forward to perfecting the other styles of bread. I even included a picture of my masterpieces. And yes, they taste as good as they look.

Mother's Conference

2010-01-08T23:26:00.000-08:00

Last year I read The Ministry of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson and was also able to go to her conference in Irvine. It was a delight to be encouraged by Sally's words and to learn about finding joy in our seemingly chaotic life. The best part was she brought all these wonderful books! I LOVE BOOKS! I thought I would share information about her conferences this year. You can also go to her website: www.wholeheart.org And she has a very inspiring blog: I TAKE JOY.

12 YEARS

2010-01-08T23:03:00.000-08:00

Today marks the 12th anniversary of the day I met my husband. It hardly seems possible that I have known this man for so long. I can still see him clear as day the first time I saw him. I couldn't even see his face! This year I have been even more sentimental about it because I am reminded of who we were when we met.

We were both in need of transformation. We were living our own lives and following our own selves. It was really disgusting. We thought we were having the time of our lives. We were married 14 months after we first met and about 6 months after that, God got a hold of Dustin's heart and he was a new man. He was a great husband before but after that he became an amazing husband. He displays to me the love of Christ daily by the way he continually tries to out serve me. He is forgiving, kind and gentle.... had it not been for God transforming him, I don't think we would have made it this far. In fact, I know we would not have.

So here we are today. Still madly in love with each other, still desiring to grow closer to God and enjoying the blessing of having two little people in the house. I am so grateful that God did not leave us in our own stupidity. I am so thankful that He is a God who desires for us to know Him. I shudder to think what life would be like had we not found saving faith in Jesus Christ.

Another Frugal Idea

2010-01-08T22:56:00.000-08:00

Easy way to stretch your ground beef.

Take cooked wheat berries and add them to ground beef when making meatloaf and hamburgers. I have even tried it in burrito meat. The wheat berries have no flavor so they blend right in and no one knows they are gaining much needed protein. Plus, your meat portions will be less so you won't need to buy as much or it will last longer; whatever you choose.

Favorite blogs

2010-01-06T22:00:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to share with everyone my two favorite blogs right now.

The Pioneer Woman and Beth Moore's blog - LPM .

I think I happened upon the Pioneer Women from Stacie Helm's blog or FB or something. Anyways, she is a self professed city girl who married a cattle rancher and now lives in the middle of no where. I honestly think she and I would have been bff's if we knew each other. She is very talented in the kitchen and with a camera and has a savvy way of wording things. Her site is delightful and I have enjoyed seeing life on a farm. Something I would love to do but don't have the stamina to do so. I will just live vicariously through her.

Beth Moore is one hysterical woman. I often find myself laughing so hard that I am in tears. Her blog on the passing of her cappuccino machine is one for the ages. There is also depth in there as she writes about what God is teaching her and there is a club for women to join to memorize Scripture which I think is totally awesome!

Check them out and let me know your thoughts. :)

Frugal Idea #123

2010-01-06T15:20:00.000-08:00

I am obsessed with being frugal. I love to find ways to skimp and save. It started out as a necessity for our family and has now become a full blown addiction. I grind my own wheat and make our own bread and have now begun making our own laundry soap. I am a meticulous meal planner and use a food co-op so I can get spices and mixes and make my own salad dressings and dips and a slew of other things. I think you get the picture. Last night I stumbled on another frugal idea that i would like to share with you.

My sweet husband usually takes left-overs for lunch the next day. I must have cooked extra good the other night because there was nothing left which leaves hubby scrounging for something to put together. The next night was breakfast night. We had banana walnut pancakes, Italian sausage and scrambled eggs. Here is where I got a little creative.

I took some left-over pizza dough and made four circles for calzone shells. Set it aside on a cookie sheet.

In a bowl I added spaghetti sauce, grated colby cheese and goat cheese and whatever else I could chop up. In this case I used sausage and pepperoni. I also added garlic because my man LOVES his garlic. I mixed it all up to make a sort of dry filling. Then I scooped it up and placed about a spoonful in the calzone shells. Folded the dough over and sealed it, slashed three slits in the top and baked. Hubby took one to work and froze the rest for later and we didn't waste any food.

The possibilities are endless. I figure you could even make a breakfast calzone.

Ludicrous Behavior

2010-01-04T05:00:00.000-08:00

I began this blog as a way to journal what I am learning about becoming a godly wife. It is a struggle that I have had for the last 11 years. I recently read that our concept of marriage in our culture is so far away from the marriage that Jesus describes that His idea is ludicrous to us. (John Piper) The fact that we can scoff at God's idea of marriage shows how far away our society is from its Creator. That is like telling an engineer that the building he designed will now be used as a boat. Regardless of the original intention, we are now going to use it as a boat and he cannot make any alterations to it.

Out of my almost 11 years of marriage, I have been a true follower of Jesus Christ for about 5 of those years. When I read about submission and leadership in the Bible, I find it hard to understand how that would be fleshed out. My problem is that there is a default condition I have to be selfish and demanding and just plain awful. It is a condition that demeans so that I can feel good, desires to be the one in control and is convinced that I can do it better. It is the ugly creature within that I battle with it. I had one of those battles yesterday morning. And I failed miserably.

While we were getting ready for church, Dustin asked if I minded if he went to play ball at the Rec center that evening. Now this shouldn't bother me because I know he loves to play basketball and I want him to do things he loves to do. But something in me clicked and the filter of self-control was asleep and I quipped back, "What about me going shopping for a new "unmentionable." Aside from being an utterly stupid statement, my words reeked of selfishness. What makes it so stupid and selfish is that I don't even like to shop and I especially hate shopping for unmentionables but I am desperately due so I need to take care of it. In any case, it was a dumb response. Luckily I have a gracious husband who responds well and said something to the effect that I am right I do need to take care of it and maybe he can go next week. I honestly didn't really hear his response because I was too busy berating myself at what an awful response I just gave.

Truth is, I was just peeved that he thought of getting out of the house before I did. Not that I wanted to get out but just in case I did, I now couldn't. Can you see the awfulness of this beast within me? It doesn't make any sense to me either! I don't want to be like that yet there are times when I am the beast more than I am a child of God. Dustin did go play ball and I has an enjoyable time at home with the kids and am convinced that I got the better end of the deal. But I was reminded that I cannot attempt to control or extinguish this beast without daily quiet time with my God. How could I display love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, self control, and goodness if I am not in direct relationship with One who created these gifts and gave them to me?

Regardless of my upbringing, regardless of my culture, there is a God who is calling me to trust and submit and yield my rights even though it sounds and looks ludicrous. Not so I can be called a godly woman or a Proverbs 31 woman but so that He can receive fame and glory from it. So that when people see me being "ludicrous," they will proclaim- "she serves a mighty God. If He can take a selfish, demanding woman and make her a gentle, meek, truly happy person, I wonder what He can do for me. I need to know her God."

Romans 7:18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God's law; 23but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

One of the best presents ever

2010-01-01T14:01:00.001-08:00

My mom had the kids do some chores around her house so they could earn money and them took them shopping to buy presents for me and Dustin. She said that the kids were very clear in deciding what to buy us, even down to the color. She was very impressed with their thoughtfulness.

I could have cried when I saw what the kids got me. A ceramic ivory cross with gold accents. Naomi in her sweet style said to me, "Mommy, do you know why we got you a cross? It is because we know you love Jesus and this would remind you of Jesus." My mom was right, I was very touched with their thoughtfulness.

One of my goals last year was to do a better job about bringing everything we do back to Christ. Whether we are eating, cleaning, cooking, playing, reading, it all goes back to the freedom we have in Christ because of what He did for us on the cross. So many times I thought I was just talking to myself or the air around us. In that gift I feel like God whispered to me, "They are listening, keep it up."

Thank you God for sending me encouragement through my kids.

In case you are wondering, the kids got Daddy a clear, curved pint glass which will go nicely with the Home Brew Kit I got him for Christmas. It is amazing how well they know us.

New Year's Eve Reflections

2009-12-31T10:28:00.000-08:00

In my "old age" I have found New Year's Eve to be very sentimental. Especially in the last two years I find myself trying to mentally push back the tears into my eyeballs and not allowing a single tear to stream down my cheek. If I let that happen I would have to explain why I was crying and I don't think I could put words into it.

Growing up stateside, far from the island of Puerto Rico, we had many traditions that my parents valiantly tried to preserve. We would meet with other "refugees" and squeeze into one house. Food adorned every inch of table, counter or shelf available. Benille: seasoned, shredded, slow roasted pork. Arroz con gandules: rice with chick peas. Bacalitos: a fish dish. Guava paste and cream cheese, a variety of chips and dips, store bought desserts and if we were really lucky, there would be some pasteles; our version of tamales.

It was part of our tradition to wear a new out fit. Every piece of clothing or jewelry had to be new; right down to your skivvies. The new clothes represent a new beginning. It is believed that whatever the condition in which the New Year finds our property, that is how our property will stay for the rest of the year. Out with the old and in with the new. One of the more fun traditions was to grab a suitcase and run out the door at midnight. This action would symbolize traveling through the new year.

Instruments were always brought out around 10:00 and traditional songs were song in Spanish until 11:59 at which point everyone would gather around the TV. The host/hostess would be frantically trying to find the channel that shows the pictures from Times Square so that we could see the infamous ball drop.

The ball would drop, everyone would scream, drink a toast and you would grab your love for an extra long kiss. And then you would go around and kiss everyone in the house which could take as long as 15 minutes because the house was packed. The women would sing the traditional Puerto Rican song, El Brindis del Bohemio, and usually end up crying. I never understood why but as I get older, I am beginning to understand.

There is a deep resonance of days past and days yet to come, of dreams forgotten and dreams to achieve, of loved ones remembered and of loved ones yet come. It is a time to look back and a time to look forward. I think it was especially important for these families since they left their own families to pursue a dream, the American Dream. And each family in their own way was succeeding in that dream. There were teachers and engineers, law enforcement and realty professionals, small business owners and students. Each one grabbing hold of the ideals of a free nation and holding on with all their strength. So much to be thankful for and so much to anticipate.

Prospero Ano Nuevo!

MRI

2009-12-29T13:48:00.000-08:00

Naomi's MRI went well. I think we are all emotionally spent. She was fine until she got into the pre-op room. She had streams of quiet tears rolling down her face as we waited. She just didn't know what was going to happen and so she was afraid. the anesthesiologist was a very nice young man. Sweet and yet steady with Naomi. Did you know that they flavor the mask now? There was bubble gum, cotton, candy, strawberry and other such flavors for the kids to enjoy. When it was time to go in, Dustin carried her into the room and laid her on the MRI table and he was able to give her the mask himself. Dustin said she had a firm grip on his hand and he had to hold the mask with the other one and count to 10. After she fell asleep, he released her hand to leave but she was still grasping tightly onto one of his fingers. He actually had to pry her hand open and leave the room. (I would have been a sobbing wreck)

Since only one parent can go with the child, I walked to the waiting room and it was the worse feeling I have ever had. To walk into that room without Naomi or Dustin and sit by myself was slightly excruciating. I didn't know what to do with myself. About the time I sat down and started to pray, Dustin walked in and sat beside me. He was visible "touched" by the scene that I had described earlier. We just sat there in quiet and let out a sigh of relief. That part was over, now it was time to wait.

One thing of note is that the waiting room had some really great music playing. It was all modern Christian music and I was shocked to hear it. When I walked into the room by myself, Indescribable was playing by Chris Tomlin. That is a special song for Naomi and I and I was so thankful to God to have ordained that to be playing in the background when I entered the room. The second cool thing was that when I listened to my iPod, another family favorite song was playing. It is a children's song to Psalm 86:17 " You, Oh Lord, have helped me and comforted me."

We couldn't believe the music being played and I wondered if Dustin and I were the only ones who could hear it. It was such a comfort to us. Naomi came out the anesthesia really well and we have strict orders to relax, watch movies and vegg out till tomorrow. Hopefully we will get answers tonight.

MRI Eve

2009-12-28T22:38:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow morning Naomi goes in for her MRI. A friend of mine was asking what to pray for and I went through a verbal list. Pray for Naomi to handle the fasting okay, that she would be brave and courageous, and handle the anesthesia well. Those are the things that have preoccupied my mind today. My friend looked at me and then said, "And for good results too." I hadn't even thought about the results! I was just taking the next step in front of me and I figure we would worry about the results after we actually got the MRI done with.

Being born with a clef palette and having Multiple Sclerosis, I am no stranger to hospitals and medical procedures. Shoot, I have lost count of the amount of MRIs I have done, yet this one is a bit unnerving to me. Something about seeing my tiny daughter asleep in the MRI chamber stirs my heart uncomfortably. I would really like to skip the whole thing altogether. After all, we think we have solved the problems with visits to the chiropractor but just in case.... just incase there is something terribly wrong, we need to have a look. So no matter how much I try to weasel out of this, there is no way around it.

I was feeling confident about the whole thing and then Dustin started to get a stomach ache and is feeling miserable. Oh, geez. I really need him to be well so he can drive us to Santa Barbara. (My fatigue does not allow me to be able to drive there and back in one day.) And it dawned on me that I am relying so much on my husband when what I really need is to rely on the Lord. So on the eve of Naomi's MRI, I will sit quietly with my God and ask Him to work everything out according to His will and His glory.

Eavesdropping gone awry

2009-12-28T15:59:00.001-08:00

Josiah: Daddy, why is Mommy going to make copies with Jessica?

Daddy: huh?

Naomi: (from the other room) COFFEE! Not copies! She is going to have COFFEE with Jessica!!

Mommy: You don't need to be listening to my phone conversations.

Josiah: Oh! Coffee. I just couldn't figure out why you wanted to make copies with her.

Currently off the shelf....

2009-12-26T22:53:00.000-08:00

Excerpt taken from page 1:

" There has never been a generation whose general view of marriage is high enough. The chasm between the biblical vision of marriage and the human vision is now, and has always been, gargantuan. Some cultures in history respect the importance and the permanence of marriage more than others. Some, like our own, have such low, casual, take-it-or-leave-it attitudes toward marriage as to make the biblical vision seem ludicrous to most people."

This is just page 1 people! The first paragraph! I can already tell God is going to do some serious paradigm shifting in my brain.

Advent Fast Complete

2009-12-26T17:45:00.000-08:00

Our fast for the Advent season this year has ended. Dustin gave up coffee and I gave up cheese and we both gave up our weekly date night. We thought that we would find relief from the restrictions of the fast and feel a sense of reprieve when it was over. The truth is that we do not have that sense of relief because nothing compares to Jesus. There is no greater indulgence than knowing our Savior; all else pales in comparison. So while we are able to "indulge," we have found that our true indulgence was time in the Word and in prayer. Coffee and cheese can wait, we have a God to get to know better.

Advent Day 24

2009-12-23T21:45:00.000-08:00

On the eve of the end of our fast I have come to one conclusion. Fasting needs to be a regular part of my walk with Jesus. I hunger for the presence of my God and long to be intimate with Him. Why would I not be demonstrating that to Him by fasting?

I am reminded of the longing of the Jewish people who went without hearing from God for 400 years until that glorious night when the angels put on a magnificent show before lowly shepherds to announce the birth of the son of God. How the hearts of the shepherds must have soared! I am sure they ran, and I mean ran, back to Bethlehem. Their minds racing, trying to capture everything they saw, heard, smelled, felt..... and then to find a small baby wrapped in swaddling clothes just as the angels said. Confirmation. Did they feel pride that they were the first to know? Or did they want to bury their faces in the dirt and bow low before the King of Kings? I bet they stayed up all night discussing these events. One might have said to the other, "Did you see the look on Ham's face when the angels began to sing?" "Ham? I couldn't take my eyes off the angel before me with the trumpet! I have never heard such a sound before. "

That same excitement has permeated our house. Although we have not been visited by angels, we have been touched by the Spirit of God. And we are able to join with the angels in praising God. Not only has God showed Himself as Emmanuel (God With Us) 2000 years ago, God is today in us for those who believe Jesus is the Messiah, the Savior of the world, the Lamb who has taken away the sins of the world.

What a glorious Christmas season this is for our family.

Geek

2009-12-22T22:24:00.000-08:00

I am such a dork. Somehow I signed up to follow my on blog. ROTFLOL!!

2009 Rogers' Family Christmas Letter

2009-12-21T23:07:00.001-08:00

One of the things I like most about the end of the year is looking back and reflecting on all the experiences we had as a family and as individuals. This year has been extremely fun to look back upon because we can see God's handiwork in so many areas of our lives. July 1 marked 4 years in California. This is the longest time in one place in our 10 years of marriage.

Dustin continues to work for BST (Behavioral Science Technologies). They are a great company and he loves his job. It doesn't hurt that he is 4 miles from home either. In obedience to God, Dustin led us to leave the church we had attended for 6+ years which was difficult for us but we have found a new church home and are beginning to seek where we can serve.

We finished our first year of homeschooling and thoroughly enjoyed it. It isn't the easiest lifestyle but it sure grows your character a lot! I am learning a lot. My health remains well although the beginning of the year was rough so I am glad to be ending the year better than I was at the beginning. This year God has been growing me specifically in the area of submission. Talk about stretching your faith! It has been quite the adventure. I have also become a very frugal woman and have been grinding my own wheat and baking my own bread. Just started making our own laundry soap and household cleaners too. I am not becoming Amish as some have suggested. (Although last week, I made the most wicked batch of apple butter you ever had. ) I have actually enjoyed the challenge of spending less and being creative with what we have. (I wish I could say the same for our government but we won't go there right now.)

Josiah turned 7 this year and has lost 6 teeth so far. He currently has no front teeth which is kinda fun for the Christmas season. He is obsessed with Star Wars even though we have only let him watch the original movie and parts of the Return of the Jedi. He also enjoys the Encyclopedia Brown books as well as the Magic Tree House series. He continues to be very imaginative and loves to write his own stories. So far he has declared that when he grows up he will be a detective, author, and a surfer. We shall see what tomorrow holds.

Naomi is the little mamma of the house. She is girlie and yet tom boyish too; all in the right balance. On any given day you can see her color princess coloring pages, play "Star Wars" with brother in the backyard, paint her nails, and help mommy cook dinner. She is extremely smart and very inquisitive. (I am sure all parents say that but in this case it is true. ;) LOL!) She is also the reason why Dustin is getting more and more gray hairs. Something about the green eyes, dark brown hair, tan skin and pink lips; picture a Puerto Rican version of Snow White. In any case, she was having some neck pains that will require an MRI in January just to make sure that nothing is wrong. Frequent visits to the chiropractor has done wonders for her discomfort. We would appreciate if you would remember to pray for her.

We welcomed a new addition to our family in October which was the culmination of Josiah praying for a cat. Dexter is a vivacious 4 month old cat that on some days I like to refer to as "El Diablo." He is a gray and black striped cat, feisty and pretty clever. It has just been so neat to watch Josiah pray for this cat for months and when we went to pick him up sight unseen, it was exactly the type of cat he had been praying for. Isn't that just like God to answer a sweet little boy's prayers?

Speaking of answered prayer, we have seen our share of answers this year. One of the best things that has happened for me personally is that I have a prayer partner. We meet every week and the children play while we pray. It has been so neat to keep track of the requests and the way God has answered. If I listed everything you would probably get a 3 page Christmas letter. It has been such an inspiration to seek God together and then watch God move and bring about His plan. This has also had a great impact on our kids as they see their mommies loving Jesus and talking to Him consistently.

We are still living in the house I grew up in which is very ironic. All those years I dreamt of getting out of this crazy small town and now I am back in the same place I was trying to leave but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world. We hope you have a fantastic Christmas and New Year. God bless you.

Dustin, Amanda, Josiah, and Naomi

Advent Fast Day 21

2009-12-21T09:05:00.000-08:00

The fast is almost over and I am surprised to say that I will be sad to see it end. One thing for sure is that I need to incorporate the discipline of fasting into my life. Not just to fast corporately but to fast individually as well. I can't say that this fast has been a time when I heard God loud and clear. it has been a struggle. There has definitely been a battle of wills. Am i willing to give up things so that i can hunger for God more. Ashamedly I would have to say no. My actions say no even though my heart screams yes.

Remember those "trinkets" that I was bemoaning about? They no longer seem important. I can actually say that if I never eat it again it would be okay. I went into this thing thinking that I would have this mountain top experience and walk away with the Shekinah glory all about me but truth be told, I am just now beginning to figure out how to really fast. This has been a struggle as I have learned that it wasn't enough just to give something up. I needed to replace it with a hunger for God's Word and God's Presence.

In actuality it is God who has shown up mightily in this time as our Jehovah-Jireh. I have been humbled beyond belief at the good gifts God has showered down on us. I didn't do the fast to ask for anything for ourselves. I did it to pray for revival for our church. And then God poured out blessing upon blessing, measure upon measure in a way that no one could explain except to say that is was all God.

So for the next four days I will continue to forgo my "trinkets." I will continue to long for the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and I will wait in expectancy to see the revival that He will bring about within our community.

BTW, the trinkets I gave up was cheese. That includes cream cheese, cheesecake, and a variety of other delectable that I hadn't thought of when I originally decided to fast from cheese.

My Little Evangelist

2009-12-18T16:06:00.000-08:00

We have always joked that Josiah is our little evangelist. He often challenges us in our thinking about God as well as extended family members. From the time he was 18 months old he would talk to strangers about the things he understood about God and invite them to church.

Today I accepted help from the courtesy clerk to carry out our bags from the store because I was so tired. On our way, Josiah asks the young man if he knows about Bibleman and if he goes to church and if he knows God. The questions poured out faster than the young man could speak. Turns out that this young man is a Christian living in Oak View but going to church in Oxnard. He has been afraid to try any churches in the area because of all the mysticism within our small community. I suggested three churches to him that were biblically sound and he was exceedingly thankful. That was no mere coincidence.

When we got into the car, I turned around to Josiah and told him how I love how he tells everyone we meet about God. He smiled and responded, don't thank me, thank God!

Trying to Read.....

2009-12-17T22:51:00.000-08:00

Beginner's Guide to Fasting. Our Pastor challenged the church to fast for the Advent season and pray for revival. "Awake, O sleeper,...." Our fast ends on Christmas Day so we only have 8 days of the 25 day fast left and I feel like I am just now learning what it means to fast. Fasting is not a discipline that many of us have grown up with. I searched the local library and found a book by Elmer Towns that is phenomenal. It is very basic but that is what I needed. It has forms to fill out and keep track of your fast, the Scripture that God puts on your heart and the things He impresses on you. Anyways, by the time this thing is over I will finally get it (hopefully) but I think the greatest point I am learning is that fasting is a discipline and should be a regular occurrence in my walk with Christ.

"I'm concerned that many are not willing to pay the price to experience the presence of God. We expect God to popup on the screen of our life, just because we are surfing the spiritual net. So, we check out the channels to see if God is there. Like most people surfing the television,we are looking for something to tickle our fancy. but that is not the way we find God. We must want it will all our life, so much so that we would go without food or sleep. We must be willing to sacrifice everything to experience God."

- Elmer Towns

Soap making

2009-12-17T15:59:00.000-08:00

I found a neat craft idea for kids online and decided to try it. Sounded easy enough. Take one bar of soap and grate it, add 1/4 warm water and a couple drops of essential oil. Spread out, use cookie cutters to make shapes, dry, viola! Easy Christmas presents!

So I am still trying to figure out what went wrong. The kids got bored, they hated the gooey messy mixture on their hands, my hands are now xmas red, and I am not sure I am going to give any of these odd shaped soaps away as gifts. They are suppose to be a star, Christmas tree and heart. I am letting them dry and we will see what happens. I think I will try to slice them in half so at least one side is smooth.

Worse comes to worse I am giving them to the grandparents and claiming the kids made them. That is my story and I am sticking to it. ;)

Jehovah-Jireh!

2009-12-10T15:03:00.000-08:00

Over the past month I have shared several praise reports. From my daughter's health to the provision of a new-to-us car, I have seen God answer our prayer requests in an abundant way. Last Friday, I simply asked for prayer for my husband to find favor with his boss. He works for a company that he loves and is very content in his position. The only dilemma has been that it is not a livable income. Not that we were dire (because somehow in God's goodness it was always just enough) but as a wife I desire for my husband to be compensated for his hard work. I am sure you can understand. So my prayer partner and I have been praying that God would provide what he is due according to his work. This morning my husband was called into the head honcho's office. He was scared to death! He walked in and there was his immediate supervisor and the CFO. He sat down with sweaty palms and a sick feeling in his stomach thinking the economy had finally hit them hard enough and he would need to be laid off. The boss than explained to him that he recognized that his job had evolved into much more than what he was hired to do. His supervisor had put together a full report detailing his duties and the many areas in which he has stepped up and taken the load off of other departments without complaining and then even going beyond that.

Although no cost of living raises will be given this year and no Christmas bonuses, my husband will be receiving a significant raise. Not only is he getting a raise but it will be proactive to December 1st on his next paycheck. Have you ever heard of such a thing? Oh, how our God provides! He is Jehovah-Jireh! Just when we were really feeling the pinch of this economy and wondering if we could wait it out any longer, God showed up big time. Rejoice with us!

Backseat Conversations

2009-12-10T07:42:00.000-08:00

Naomi and Josiah were in the back seat of the car last night having an interesting discussion. Naomi asked why did Rameses become Pharaoh? I explained that royal lineages usually passed down to the first born son. She then asked what would have happened if Rameses had died? Would Moses have become Pharaoh? I responded perhaps.

Naomi: If I were Moses and Pharaoh, I would have made the Egyptians slaves.

Josiah: But we are suppose to be loving. Moses would have to show them love.

Naomi: (begrudgingly) I think it'd be better if they were slaves and had to work really hard.

Josiah: But we are to love our enemies. They can't be slaves.

Naomi; Then who is going to build all that stuff?

Josiah: (silence)

Advent Fast Day 8

2009-12-07T09:17:00.000-08:00

Dustin and I were cleaning up the kitchen last night and talking about the fast and how the lack of our chosen "trinkets" continually reminds us of God each meal. We were joyfully bemoaning together; I know that is an oxymoron. In any case I made a remark that I will be glad when I am free of this restriction. And I was reminded that before this poor helpless babe was born, those who believed in the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob were constantly trying to fulfill the requirements of God's Laws through offerings and commands. I have the anticipation and hope of an end. But the Israelites could not see the bigger picture and see the end. They had the hope of the Messiah but did not know the time in which He would come. I have the blessed assurance that Christmas morning, the things I have given up while be restored to me. They were slaves to the Law but I have been set free.

The writer of Galatians put it this way- "Why was the law given? It was given to show people how guilty they are. But this system of the law was to last only until the coming of the child to whom God's promise was made...... If the law could have given us new life, we could have been made right with God by obeying it. But the Scriptures have declared that we are all prisoners of sin, so the only way to receive God's promise is to believe in Jesus Christ. Until faith is Christ was shown to us as the way of becoming right with God, we were guarded by the law. We were kept in protective custody, so to speak, until we could put our faith in the coming Savior." (chapter 3, verses 19, 21-23)

Symbolically in this fast we are in the time of "protective custody" and there is a day coming when we will be set free just like the ancient believers. Glory! But for us it is the hope of His return that we long for. We no longer shout Noel in anticipation of His arrival. We now shout Thy kingdom come! in anticipation of His Reign.

Poor kitty

2009-12-07T08:49:00.000-08:00

Naomi is to cats as Darla is to fish.

Enough said.

Lord Teach Me To Pray Study

2009-12-07T08:36:00.001-08:00

I usually post my reading list on Facebook but it doesn't allow me to explore thoughts that hit me hard so I best write this one down here. Our women's group are currently reading Lord, Teach Me To Pray by Kay Arthur. Basically she takes the Lord's prayer and devotes about 5 days to each line of the prayer. This week we have been studying the line- "Your Kingdom come,"

Kay contends that praying for God's kingdom to come is to declare your allegiance to God. When we do so, we are showing our eagerness for His arrival, aiding in kingdom work and taking our rightful place as debtors to the gospel. I have to admit that I never really thought about what those words meant before. There are two quotes that have really pierced my heart.

The first is A.B.Simpson: "There is no ministry that will bring more power and blessing than the habit of believing, definite, and persistent prayer for the progress of Christ's kingdom, for the needs and work of His church, for His ministers and servants, and especially for the evangelization of the world and the vast neglected myriads who know not how to pray for themselves."

The second is by Adrian Rogers: "No matter how faithfully you attend church, how generously you gie, how circumspectly you walk, how eloquently you teach, or how beautifully you sing, if you are not endeavoring to bring people to Jesus Christ, you are not right with God."

I will be chewing on these for quite a while.

FREE TAbLE!!

2009-12-06T13:46:00.000-08:00

Our homeschool co-op has a free table when we meet for class and I am always so blessed by the items people leave. This week I scored a book on sign language, a book on whales, a cozy men's sweater that my husband will probably not wear but I will gladly done it on instead and a John Piper book. I was especially excited about the John Piper book because I was looking at it on eBay and ALMOST bid on it. The book is The Supremacy of Jesus Christ and the Postmodern World. I was practically jumping up and down. I am ever so blessed by these wonderful families.

Advent Fast

2009-12-03T20:49:00.000-08:00

Several weeks ago our pastor asked us to being praying about fasting during Advent. My first reaction was fear because I was afraid of what God might ask me to give up. My next reaction was, What is Advent? Advent is the time after Thanksgiving up to Christmas Eve. It is a Latin word meaning "to come." Ann Dixon wrote:

Although Advent traditions vary, the reason for observing Advent remains the same: to prepare our hearts for welcoming God's gift of light and love, His son Jesus.

I have never fasted for a season. I have done the 30 hour famine as a youth, albeit I wasn't aware of the way in which to fast or the truth of it. In any case this is new territory for me. I was so thankful that we received a FAQ regarding fasting so I could go into this time with the right attitude. After praying about it I felt led to give up my date night activities which was to watch our favorite TV shows on hulu.com or casttv.com. That is the part of my week that I look forward to the most. So I talked with Dustin about it and he understood. I felt God asking me to want to be in His presence as much as I long for my earthly husband's presence. So it was settled.

And then the day before the fast began, I started to have an aching in my heart. Giving up two nights was nothing in comparison to the heavenly realm that Jesus gave up to become a babe in a manger. I desired to forgo something that would be a constant reminder to me of the sacrifice Jesus gave for me. I wanted to hunger for something . If fasting is truly about giving up a lesser thing to gain something greater. And if it is letting go of something temporal to lay hold of the eternal, than I needed to find something else to give up. Instantly I knew my answer. I have given up something that has proven to be more challenging than I even realized when I choose to forgo it.

I will not reveal my choice until after the fast is over so let us call it trinkets. But let me say this: The very first day it hit me like a ton of bricks. I could not have trinkets. But I LOVE trinkets! I did not realize trinkets were in that. I can't have it. Really? God gently reminded me of Hebrews 12:2

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

For the joy set before me I will joyfully forgo my enjoyment of trinkets knowing that as I do I am reminded of the beautiful gift God gave us in His Son. There is much anticipation of Christmas Day when I will be able to enjoy trinkets again. Just like there is much anticipation in the return of our king , Jesus Christ. Every day as I forgo my trinkets, God is teaching me something new. There are times when it isn't easy but then I remind myself, "... for the joy set before Him..." Should be an interesting 21 more days.

Santa or no Santa?

2009-11-30T20:18:00.000-08:00

Santa or no Santa; that is the question. Before the kids were born we had decided that we would not follow the tradition of Santa primarily because it meant lying to the kids. If we lied about Santa, would the kids believe us when we told them about Jesus? This has cause much dismay among the grandparents and countless family arguments but we have stood our ground. This year Josiah has been quite curious about the story of Santa and the traditions that go with it. He has lamented that Santa does not visit our house but he visits others. Despite our truth telling in the way the whole Santa thing works, Josiah actually believes in Santa! How did that happened? I have no idea. In any case, it has brought to light some retrospect on my part. I grew up with Santa and it was magical. To this day I still getting teary eyed when I watch movies about Santa Claus. He was such a wonderful part of my childhood. I do however remember when my parents told me the truth and I was distraught. I didn't want that to happen to my kids but I fear we have done it in the opposite way. They understand the reason for Christmas; the greatest gift that God could give humanity lying in a manger. And yet it seems that no matter how hard we try, the focus returns to what presents will I get? So we are going to prayerfully seek the Lord's guidance in how to handle traditions this holiday season. The goal is to follow in God's example as a humble servant, to demonstrate to fellow man love and mercy and to be generous as God has so graciously been generous to us. The question is how do we do that in a way that a 7 and 5 year old will understand.

My Cup Runneth Over

2009-11-24T08:18:00.000-08:00

This has been a remarkable week. We have seen God's mighty hand in so many areas of our lives and our friend's lives that my heart is bursting at the seams.

We had been concerned for months that the upcoming social security hearing would be a stressor for another MS episode so I was meeting regularly with a psychiatrist and a good friend that is a psychologists to try to give me a good perspective on this whole thing and to give me some tools to keep my stress levels low. I was doing well but I knew that if anything I would more than likely ruin all the hard work the night before by stressing so much that I don't sleep which would then cause me to be susceptible to any virus I came in contact with. I have done this several times before so I know what I am talking about. But just as I was starting to feel the waves of worry and doubt and concern sweep over me, I happened to check my facebook page and saw a status update for one of the moms from the homeschool co-op.

I have known Julie for about 2 years and in that whole time she has had an oxygen tank connected to her to help her breathe. I don't know the whole story but I know her lungs were weak and in trouble. These last two months have been especially precarious and we have been diligently praying for her healing. Julie has been on the lung transplant list for some time so when I read on her update that there may be some lungs available, I was overjoyed. There was a link to her blog and from that point on, my stupid little hearing didn't seem so important. What a great joy it was to read the continuing updates as she was prepped for surgery and then the lungs were a good match, she was in surgery and is now out breathing on her own. Before we went to bed that night we prayed for Julie and her family and I realized that not only was God blessing her but He was keeping me from causing myself to become ill. I was so thankful and enthusiastic for Julie that I forgot about myself. We prayed earnestly for the family that had suffered the loss to allow Julie to live and we rejoiced and praised God for His perfect timing. It has been glorious!

Monday morning was the long anticipated social security disability hearing for me. We had been prepped by my attorney that it would take 1-3 months for a written decision to arrive in the mail. The only time a decision comes from the bench is when the client is there with a drool cup or as a quadriplegic. You'll have to take that statement with a grain of salt because he is a lawyer and a little prone to dramatics. The point is that getting a ruling from the bench is highly unlikely. After a couple of questions, the judge stopped and began to write a bunch of things and then asked to be put on the record and he began to dole out his decision from the bench! I was in complete shock. Isn't it like our great God to give us answers when we think none are to be had. The judge ruled that I was unable to work full-time and was indeed to be classified as disabled and awarded whatever social security benefits that I was entitled to. He then said to have a nice life and adjourned the case. The analyst from the social security office never even had a chance to question me or try to prove my capabilities at working full-time. Again, it was glorious!

After the hearing I had three doctor appointments so Dustin was like my chauffeur that day. At the first appointment we ran into a dear friend who let us know that a family member of his was receiving a newborn baby boy to adopt. Another moment of rejoicing! It was beginning to be too much for this fragile heart to handle. In so many ways God is moving mightily on behalf of His people. I see His fingerprints everywhere. And it dawned on me that this all happened the beginning of the Thanksgiving weekend. We have much to be thankful for. And even if God did not move in all those ways, we would still have much to be thankful for. For our God is a Living God. He paints the sky for us each day, sets the stars out for us to wonder at, He creates life and gives us love, and He even gives us these weak tents, made in His image, to live in so that we can see the work of His hands. Oh how glorious the love of the Father is for us that He would calls us his children, wholly and dearly loved.

It reminded me of the Nichole Nordeman song, Gratitude:

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

PRAY FOR JULIE!

2009-11-22T22:05:00.000-08:00

A dear woman in our homeschool co-op is getting a long awaited new lung. Please pray for Julie.

You can also follow her blog :www.breathelifewithjulie.blogspot.com

I am so excited for her family I can hardly stand it. He is so good!

Home Alone

2009-11-22T15:34:00.000-08:00

The night before the kids left for grandma's house, I was overcome with sadness. A majority of my day is spent in direct relation to their needs and wants and the keeping of our home. It suddenly hit me that I don't know what to do with myself if they are not around. I had been looking forward to this time alone with my husband but for a brief moment at the setting of the sun the night before their departure, I became panicked.

The one thing I miss the most when they are gone is laughter. There is a stark difference in the feel of the house when they are away. It is quiet and still, bland and dull, lacking zest and just plain appealing. The house may stay cleaner but it certainly isn't the warm and cozy place we love when the kids are here. Dustin and I are pretty quiet people and yet God gave us these two very loud, energetic, hilarious kids. They certainly spice up our lives.

Dustin and I our first day together alone. We cleaned up a little bit, walked around downtown Ventura, coked a mean meal and enjoyed fellowship at our church for prayer. But it was weird to get out of the car and not have to herd little people to the curb. And it was really weird to take communion at church this morning and not have a child in our arms as we explained why we partake in the bread and juice. This afternoon we went through the kids toy boxes and made some room for newer toys that will arrive for Christmas. I just miss the quirky comments the kids make and how they make me laugh.

Tomorrow is a full day of appointments. We have my social security hearing and then two doctor appointments. The kids keep calling and leaving long messages about how much fun they are having. What a beautiful thing to have a close relationship with grandparents. Something that I miss out on. So I am joyfully setting my face to the Lord and enjoying my time with my husband knowing that what my kids are gaining is far better than me just missing them. Maybe I should see if Dustin will tell me some knock-knock jokes in the interim. ;)

MAP CURIOUSITY

2009-11-21T10:29:00.001-08:00

You may notice a tiny map near all the ads. I just added it to see where people are that read my blog. I love how small the world seems when using the computer. Although I do not expect there to be many red dots on it from readers, I thought it would be fun nonetheless. I got it from Sally Clarkson's blog. She has 40,000 people just inthe US that read her blog! Crazy. Anyways, she has a fantastic blog and you can read it at http://wholeheart.typepad.com/itakejoy/

Revival

2009-11-14T21:28:00.000-08:00

The last several months have been exciting and difficult at the same time. Exciting in that we see God at work in many areas and difficult in that some of those areas God was showing us beliefs or habits that needed to be changed. There has been confession and repentance and transformation and abundance. In that order! What a beautiful thing it is to see that God is continually working to complete His work in us. Don't get me wrong, a couple of weeks ago I would not be able to have written this blog with a joyful attitude because the sin that God had brought to light were painful. But now, now that we have been forgiven and set free from bondage, we are rejoicing. Recently our pastor challenged the body to fast for Advent.

I know I was like, what? Advent? What is Advent? (I am probably the only one who didn't know.) Anyways, from November 29-December 24, we are going to corporately fast in whatever way God directs us to. To tell you the truth, I was afraid to ask God what He would have me to give up. I'm selfish! Gimme a break. After my panicked heart settled down I knew that I had to rise up to this challenge because I know my God and He wants me to want Him more. So I began to pray and seek what God would have me to give up. Surprisingly enough, the answer came quite quickly. I am going to give up my Friday and Saturday night TV time with Dustin so I could be in the Word more. We have viewed Friday and Saturday our date night since we watch our favorite TV shows online. It is a time that I have jealously guarded. And then I heard my sweet Lord calling me to be with my true groom, Jesus Christ.

With that settled I no longer feel anxious but am excited about the wonders and treasures God will show me. Funny thing is, I thought that wasn't enough to give up and began to let God know that I would give up all movies and TV for that time to make it harder and more dramatic. And once again, my sweet Lord reminded me that He did not ask me to give up those things. He asked me for a very specific time and days. To make it more would be for my glory rather than His. Isn't it like us humans to blow things out of proportion. I am so glad that God is ever patient with me. I am really looking forward to this fast. I am excited to see the way God will not only grow Dustin and I but also how he will grow our church body as well.

Pray for us. Pray for First Baptist. Pray for Ojai. Pray for revival.

Naomi update

2009-11-03T08:08:00.000-08:00

Naomi continues to do well. Her skull has remained where it should be. We are currently visiting the chiropractor two times a week to keep her first vertebrae in line. It continues to slide out of alignment since the muscles were holding it wrong for so long. But the treatments are being needed less and less. Another wonderful praise is that God is miraculously providing through Dr. Plaut (our chiropractor). He has been so gracious to give us free visits. It is very hard for me to accept and I have been humbled more than once to just accept it and allow God to be God. Ouch. We just keep praying for healing for her and thankfulness to God for His mighty work.

Naomi's Healing

2009-10-22T08:29:00.000-07:00

About 6 months ago, Naomi began to complain about neck pain. Her complaints usually arose when it was time for school or something she didn't want to do so we didn't invest too much energy into it. After several weeks of on and off pains, we took her to the pediatrician. No answers were given or found so we went home. This happened four times in about four months as her complaints continued and our concern grew.

We were getting nowhere and were told to give her Ibuprofen . The Ibuprofen did not work so we went back again with a more demanding tone. So the doctor referred us to a neurologist who then concluded she was having migraines. At this point we were getting desperate because the pain was constant and there was nothing we could do to relieve her of it. She was unable to sleep well, having trouble with vision and miserable. The neurologist gave us a prescription for a heavy duty medicine that did nothing except make her even more irritable. So he then switched medications to a very powerful drug which again did nothing to ease the pain. The neurologists said she would have to be on medication for the rest of her life and being so young, her liver would be severely affected by the time she was in her twenties.

At this point we were getting desperate. Naomi was pale and had dark circles under her eyes. The worst times were when she had to be quiet and still because the pain would gnaw at her. As long as she was active and pre-occupied, she was okay because she was distracted from the pain. Dustin and I were highly concerned and fearing the worst. We began to spend our nights by her bedside in earnest prayer for her.

One evening after church, a young woman came up to me and asked if we had thought about calling the elders together to pray over Naomi. I replied yes and then she asked if we had considered taking her to a chiropractor. She then began to relate her own experience as a child and her dealings with a doctor named Plaut. I had heard of him previously from someone on Facebook and again from someone else we know. Believing that God was sending us an answer, I contacted Dr. Plaut and we took Naomi to go see him. I was very nervous about it because I have no reference to a chiropractor myself and because our pediatrician is highly against it. But since we believed God was directing us in this way, we usurped the doctor's authority and took a chance to hopefully find an answer..... and a cure.

On our first visit to Dr. Plaut, Naomi was so miserable that she would not let him touch her. He spent a lot of time with her and explaining everything to us. He knew exactly what was wrong with her. Her skull had gotten off the spinal track and the first vertebra was twisted and pushing into the skull. He would not do anything she didn't allow so we made an appointment for the next day and brought in the reserves.... Daddy.

Naomi was a bit more tolerable of the Dr. on this day but still would not let him do the full adjustment but she did allow him to use an activator and we left saying that we would be praying the treatment works. That afternoon Naomi ran inside and exclaimed, "Mama! My neck feels all better!" I could scarcely believe it. And to be honest I was a bit skeptical. When we went back the following day, Dr. Plaut was ecstatic. The skull had readjusted itself and she will not have to be on worthless meds. her whole life. She will need to continue to get checked but that is a wonderful prognosis compared to what we were facing.We were a bit in shock on Wednesday but now we are fully rejoicing our great Healer for His goodness and mercy.

The difference in Naomi has been astounding. Color has returned to her face, she is sleeping well, seeing clearly and free from pain. Praise God from whom all blessing flow.

Dexter

2009-10-20T15:43:00.000-07:00

For months Josiah has been praying for a kitty. We have seen two litters and visited the Humane Soceity numerous times but it never seemed to work out. Either the kittens had sketchy backgrounds and I was hesitant to introduce a sick kitty to the family. One time we picked a kitty at the Humane Society only to have him adopted by someone else. Oops. Throughout it all Josiah had a very specific picture in mind for what he wanted.

A friend of ours posted some newborn kitten pics on Facebook and I inquired about it and kinda forgot about it. Eight weeks later she asked if we would like a kitty. There were two boys left and we had no idea what the kittens looked like. I gave Josiah the speech about accepting the kitty even if it doesn't look like what he wanted, which was a gray and black striped cat. They brought out the two boys and Josiah took one look and said, "That one." He turned around to me and there was the cutest gray and black striped kitty I have ever seen. Our God is so gracious to have painted that sweet kitten exactly like Josiah had been praying for. Josiah named him Dexter and he has been a wonderful addition to our family.

He is very smart. Already using the litter box, eating dry food well and knows that when he hears a crinkly sound, food is around. :) He likes to climb into our laps and sleep and plays around the house. He is so small that we had to put a collar with a bell on it so we don't lose him. I love hearing the jingling and seeing a quick grayish black blur go by. It has been a great experience to see the way that God has answered Josiah's prayers. What an amazing God we have that He even provides a kitty for a little boy.

Peak into our children's minds

2009-10-20T15:38:00.001-07:00

Here are some questions Josiah has asked recently that we thought were quite charming.

1. A stingray has a stinger to protect himself from sharks and other predators but can a stingray sting another stingray?

2. Is God good all the time? Can he ever be bad?

3. Is Satan bad all the time? Can he ever do good?

Naomi recently commented that the way the sex is determined for babies is upon the name that the parents give them. For instance, we named Josiah a boy name so we got a boy. We named Naomi a girl name so we got a girl. Simple. So next time can you name the baby Penny so I can have a sister?

Tender moments

2009-10-20T15:31:00.001-07:00

Sunday morning Josiah and I were snuggling in the front pew, I mean chairs, at church and he says to me, "Mommy, my love for you goes all the way up to the ceiling."

Revoltion of the heart

2009-10-16T16:32:00.001-07:00

As I mentioned earlier, I have been reading a book entitled, Created to Be HIs Help Meet. At first I was very skeptical of the book and the ideas presented and wary of some of the views the author had but I forged ahead because she encouraged the reader to delve into the Word for herself. It has been during this extensive study of what God's word has to say about joy, blasphemy, fear of the Lord, submission, being chaste and sober, keeping the home, and training the children and loving your husband, that God has transformed the way I perceive my role as a wife and my actions. It is like getting lasik surgery of the heart.

Nowhere have I seen this more evident than the peace and contentment within our home and interaction as a family. With a concise focus on my role as a wife and mother, I can avoid cultural traps that I was stuck in. I know how to usurp my husband, I know how to manipulate him, demean him and be the boss but what I haven't know is how to be a chaste woman, sober, truly loving and discerning. So many things that I was not taught from the godless women in my family. As you can imagine, this whole process has been so freeing!!

The saddest part of this journey is that I see women in the church do the same thing! Older women aren't teaching the younger because they were never taught themselves. But thank God that he gives us the Holy Spirit to teach us in these matters. Not that I have attained all these things but I am pressing forward to be the wife God ordained me to be.

So I am wondering how many young women feel like I did. Desiring to be godly wives but having no clue as to how to do it. Or thinking you have a clue but always finding yourself failing or going back to what I call the default position. This world tells us that we can have it all. We are the determiners of our own destiny. We answer to no one. We are smarter than our husbands, more capable, able to live without a husband if we wanted to. Submission equals being a doormat. So many lies that creep in. So many half truths to destroy. The truth is that coming under the authority and leadership of your husband is the best thing you could ever do. I feel like I am one who has been set free. I am so thankful for God's Holy Word and His Spirit that guides us and directs us in the way we should go.

Flourish

2009-10-08T15:36:00.000-07:00

As we seek to be spirit-conscious, we should focus on the Spirit as our source of guidance. This means we foster an environment where the Holy Spirit can flourish, fill and clearly speak to us." - Priscilla Shearer

The question is: Do I foster an environment where the Spirit flourishes?

Our lives are overwhelmed with noise that it is no wonder we question whether God speaks. For our family, as we have removed the TV, iPods, radios, we have noticed an increase in peace and reflection. We are able to meditate on God's Word more and discuss what we are learning and what we are struggling with. It has been a wonderful change. It is even evident in the children as they are asking more questions and thinking deeper thoughts.

I also think having an uncluttered house helps too. Even if it means getting rid of some furniture and adding a bookshelf so everything can have it's place. I desire for my home to be one that welcomes the Spirit of God and allows Him to flourish so that we can grow and glorify Him. I welcome any other suggestions.

book blog

2009-09-23T16:01:00.000-07:00

I have been reading an interesting book titled, Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl. I began reading this book 6 years ago but around the 3th or 4th page I ran into a section that I disagreed with. Unable to find anyone suitable to help me understand what she was saying, I put the book down because I did not want to be naive and listen to false doctrine. But I kept the book because a dear friend had sent it to me. Fast forward to about 2 months ago and I once again picked up the book and ran into the same passage that caused me to put it down earlier. This time I decided to tackle it and find out any information I could as well as seek godly council. The text in question was how she translated the word helper into help meet and the uses of meet in the New Testament. I finally decided that I should just disagree with her and not throw out the baby with the bath water. I had no idea what a journey this would send me on.

I wish now that I would have been blogging after each chapter. There are still things that I do not necessarily agree with but there is so much more that has struck a chord in me that it is near impossible to explain it all here. What I have discovered is that despite my theological differences with Mrs. Pearl, she is a voice in the wilderness for today's Christian woman. We as a church have lost our way in how we train up the next generation. A majority of older women do not step up and teach the younger women how to be wives. So now we have a host of young women who do not know how to properly love their husbands, keep a house, train their children, to be discreet and sober... and I would count my self as one of those young women. (Although I am not that young anymore!) The sad part is that the young women I am referring to are the 30-40 year olds who should be grasping the mantle of teaching alongside the older women for the young marrieds. We are too busy not wanting to intrude or get too personal. And that has left a generation of women reaching for what the world would call femininity.

And so I am learning a new way of doing things. I am learning to revere my husband. I am learning to defer to him and respect him.... and there has come over my heart a peace like no other as I have learned to submit in a godly manner. I don't even notice if my husband has noticed but it has made a huge impact in my heart. I am hoping to blog about the rest of the chapters I have left but there is no telling what will happen since I am limiting my online sessions. You can check out further information about this book and others at www.nogreaterjoy.com

Unplug

2009-09-16T21:39:00.000-07:00

Several weeks ago our pastor was commenting that maybe we don't hear God because we have so much noise around us. Car radios, TV's, iPods, etc... constant background noise. It just so happen that the week prior to that sermon we had our cable shut off. the price had gone up and there is nothing but junk on it anyway plus we found ourselves yelling at news reports so we needed to just cut it out of our lives. Who couldn't use $77 extra a month anyways, right? At least we still had our computer so we are not completely shut off from the world.

Two days later, our year old computer crashed. PANIC!! No Facebook? No email? No iTunes? Since we had just shelled out most of our savings for the car, we knew we could not afford to fix the computer. We took it into the shop and decided to save up the money to fix it. It was difficult at first but you know what? My pastor was right. No TV, no computer and there was a lot more time to talk with God and listen. It became rather enjoyable not to have those things.

One night we decided to watch a movie and as we were I commented that all we need now is for the DVD player to break. Within 10 seconds of saying that, the thing died. Literally just died. Dustin quipped, "I think God is trying to tell us something."

We both had a hearty laugh and played some cards instead.

What was I thinking?

2009-08-07T09:31:00.000-07:00

I have always scoffed at the kind of women who leave their children because they want to live their own lives or who demand "me" time on the weekends or go on Girls Only cruises with their BFFs. Just seems so egocentric and narcissistic to go to such extremes and negate the duty of family. Yet as I going my journey on Spark People, I realize that I am just as bad but in the opposite direction. In an effort to serve and love my family, I have completely ignore my daily needs as a mom and I didn't even know it!

When I first began keeping track using the Nutrition Tracker, I was shocked that I was not even eating 1000 calories a day nor was I getting the protein, fat and carbs my body needs. I would have never believed it had I not done the work myself. I was shocked. I have a friend that gets so busy that she forgets to eat and I always thought that was nonsense. But I was doing the same thing! I would eat the crust of the bread left over from the kid's sandwiches but forget to make my own. I would start drinking a bottle of water and then forget where I put it and end up not drinking any water at all. I also would make snacks for the kids but never eat with them because I was the story reader and couldn't have my mouth full. None of these are bad in and of themselves but when they become a part of the routine and a part of life, the consequences are dangerous. In my case it has lead to extreme fatigue and crankiness and my body holding onto as much weight as possible instead of the normal process that it needs to go through.

I am proud to say that this Mamma has learned a huge lesson and will be portraying a healthy lifestyle for my kids from here on out. A lifestyle that promotes the importance of spiritual, mental and physical health.

*taken from my blog at www.sparkpeople.com

Josiah and Naomi on marriage

2009-07-10T08:58:00.001-07:00

During lunch, Josiah declared that he has chosen to stay with Mom and Dad forever and thus he will not be getting married. Naomi very quickly and quietly replied, "Mommy told me a secret once. Little boys that say they are not going to get married, usually end up marrying anyways."
End of conversation.

Auto Troubles

2009-07-08T08:44:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in quite a while although I think about writing often. The events of the last two weeks just seem too overwhelming to actually write out. For several months we have been living with one car and it hasn't been that bad. There are times when we have to schedule things down to the minute but for the most part, we have managed. And then our sole care tanked. The pistons blew and we needed to pay for about $2000 worth of repairs. Not only that but the repairs would take roughly a week and a half so that meant the kids and I were home bound. Gratefully we have some generous friends that let us use their car for a couple of days and my parents were visiting so we piled into their truck. The hardest part was figuring out what to do and whether we should buy a car. We have only had car payments once in our 10 year married life and we paid that off in half the time. We have generally paid cash for our cars but that meant not having anything fancy. (which is fine by me.) I was feeling a bit dejected by the whole thing and it was my husband that spurred me on to trust that God has it all under control. To add to his faith, God graciously provided a second car for us through some friends. I find it particularly funny that it is a 1992 Ford Thunderbird! The fact is that God provided something we were not expecting and we are rejoicing and praising Him for His undeserved goodness.

Whipped Cream Lesson

2009-06-26T12:22:00.000-07:00

I have been a bit discouraged at the attitude of Josiah this week regarding his birthday. No matter how much we talked to him about the importance of celebrating God's creation and being thankful to God for giving him life, all he seemed to be focused on was presents and having friends over. None of which are bad in themselves but he just had an aire of expectation of presents. Needless to say next year we are going to do a quiet event with just the family. In any case I have been looking for teachable moments that would help Josiah understand that it is not about him.

During his birthday supper, Josiah mentioned that he gets served first because he is the birthday boy. So I purposefully served Naomi a bigger slice of pizza first and reminded him that the first shall be last. For desert, we had some left over cake and I topped it with raspberries and melted dark chocolate. I also table served a dollop of whipped cream on top of the individual slices. It was as I began this process that God used it to share a big lesson to all of us.

I took Josiah's fork to retrieve a nice size dollop of whipped cream and put it on Daddy's cake first and then mine and then Naomi's. As I was doing this I was talking about what it means that the first is last and the last is first. How God honors us when we think of others before ourselves. How we need to deny ourselves even in the smallest things lest we become too prideful and because that was the example Jesus gave us. And by doing so, we honor our Heavenly Father who sees and knows all things. By this time the whipped cream was almost out and I began to scrape the container with Josiah's fork so that I had a double portion of cream and placed it on his cake. And I ended by remarking that the when we apply God's principles and remember that the last is actually first, we will probably be surprised that it isn't the worst place to be after all and I gave Josiah the fork I had been using which was covered with whipped cream on all sides from all the scraping.

Almost immediately, Josiah returned to my humble, thoughtful, kind boy. He even thanked us and hugged us like one who truly was grateful and joyful. What a great God we serve that He helps us to understand His Ways when they are so counter to the culture we are in today. That He does not keep HImself as an enigma but rather is a Father that takes delight in His children.

Word Problems

2009-06-23T12:17:00.001-07:00

We had a spontaneous round of word problems during lunch and I had to write my favorite one down. Josiah kicked it off with Jim had 5 presents and his daddy gave him two more presents. How many presents does Jim have in all? He continued to rattle off another 5 problems when Naomi started to beg for a turn. So we paused to let the little one have a turn and she gave us this problem.
Jim had ten pets and one of them died. How many pets does Jim have now?

After-Math

2009-06-22T14:03:00.000-07:00

Now that my grandma is back with my parents and all the company has left, I find the house quiet and calm. A little too calm. We still have remnants of the birthday bash strewn about and my goal is to finish cleaning it all up today because having a messy house gets me frazzled. Frazzled enough to be a bit grumpy with the kids and grumpy with the lack of progress on my gigantic to do list. In the midst of all of this, I hear God telling me to calm down and take stock of what is really important. Not to ignore responsibilities but to be aware of opportunities to invest in my children and others.

So when Josiah asks this morning why we have to learn about God, I need to stop what I am doing and explore this with him. When my brother needs some company because his friend just died in a car accident, I need to stop, go visit him and listen. And when I am repeating myself for the umpteenth time on the same subject, I need to remember and apply Proverbs 31:26b, "...she gives instructions with kindness."

We have finally arrived at rest time and I have three rooms cleaned up and a gnarly soiled kitchen awaiting me but all I want to do is crawl into Jesus' lap and learn from Him. What a great God we serve. Not only does He walk with us in our frustrations but He is ever-present to listen and instruct and pour His love into us so we can love others. All the mess and the aftermath of celebration can wait...I need to be with my God. Hallelujah!

More tales from Great-Grandma

2009-06-18T18:02:00.000-07:00

Today I got the privilege of hearing a lot of family history which I don't always know if I can believe but it is entertaining in the least. I learned that my great grandfather saw my great grandmother across the street and declared that that woman would be the mother of his children. He then befriended her dad and I think worked for him. (Not sure; some things get lost in translation.) ANyways, he wanted to ask for permission to marry her but he needed to see her legs first. He wanted to make sure she had a good figure under all those petticoats and material from those old fashion touch the floor dresses. So he devised a plan where she would have to step over a "obstacle" of some sort and be forced to lift her dress. The plan worked and when he saw her gams, he thought to himself, "Oh! Mama Mia! She is wonderful!" So that is the story of my great grandparents courtship.

I enjoyed hearing that story but there are more dramatic ones regarding spousal abuse and debauchery, murder and adultery. I could write one heck of a novel if I incorporated all thee stories together. Sometimes I think she confuses the talk shows she watches on TV with family history. In any case, my grandmother is quite the character. It still shocks me when she calls people sons of b***** and the other rude language she uses. I don't remember her using language like that when I was little. But coupled with her heavy spanish accent, it is quite funny.

She finds most of the cultural changes today disgusting and I have to laugh when she points out people on the street and says, "Look at that. Do you see her tattoos? (or piercings or immodest dress....etc...pick one.) That is disgusting! These people have no respect for themselves. No shame."

Great Grandma Stories

2009-06-17T13:31:00.000-07:00

This week we are hosting Great-Grandma in our home....it is actually grandma-sitting but I think hosting has a better sound to it. She is quite the colorful lady and will be turning 89 next week...at least we think she is. (They didn't keep great records back then so we may be off by a couple of months or even years.)
I was thinking of keeping track of all the funny things she says. Yesterday I took Naomi to her Ta Kwon Do class and she wanted to watch some TV. So I left it on for her and she watched news for the hour. When I came home she said to me in her heavily accented English, "I am going to write a letter to that colored man because he is going to ruin health care." It took me a moment to understand what she was saying and then I had to keep from laughing because she was so serious about it.
And then today she was telling me a story about someone and she said that the woman was an "economic." as she gestured to someone taking a swig out of a bottle. And I realized she meant to say that she was an alcoholic. Sigh. It is going to be an interesting week.

Dinner Appreciation

2009-06-13T00:25:00.000-07:00

Throughout our marriage Dustin has always, and I mean ALWAYS, made it a point to compliment the dinners I served him. He never forgets to thank me for making the food or for setting a nice spread on the table. I so appreciate his thoughtfulness in this manner and still am surprised with joy when he compliments my cooking even though it happens every night. Apparently the kids have noticed too.
It started out with some grunts of agreement and then it progressed to the kids declaring Mom to be the best cooker who deserves her own restaurant. In recent months I have been declared the Best Cooker EVER! But tonight took the cake. I received applause from the children for our delicious meal of sausage pasta ziti and caprese salad.
All because my husband has been modeling gratitude and appreciation. :)

Late Night Owl

2009-06-13T00:09:00.000-07:00

I am up late pondering deep thoughts. Laughing inwardly because I have offended my friend the teacher from posting a simple quote on Facebook. Not laughing because I offended her, laughing because I am becoming an educational zealot. I hated those crazy homeschool moms when my son was in Kindergarten. Ugh! The ones that quoted famous people all the time and had an answer for almost everything. The ones that were always reading something and gaining further knowledge in some area. I couldn't stand those people!

Actually I was guilt ridden because I didn't want my son at public school all day. I was mad at my husband for wanting our son to go to public school. I hated woman who found such joy in teaching their kids when I still wasn't sure what to do with them half the time! Well, the tables have turned indeed. Now the trick will be to not be a zealot but to have zeal and zest for the life I am living now and to answer the calling that God has placed on me.

I am also thinking deeply on this whole church hunt thing. What a horrible place to be in! We have been going through a membership class to gain a better understanding of one of the churches we have been visiting. I feel like we are in the vetting stages for Congress as we grill the pastor and debate biblical views on everything from baptism to the second coming of Jesus Christ to the organization of the church. It is exhausting!! Part of me is so done with it but another part says endure just a bit longer. I don't know if this is how one should pick a new church or not but we are at least giving it our best shot in knowing what we believe and what we are getting ourselves into .....which means nothing if God doesn't specifically reveal to us where He wants us. So we wait on Him....

Now that I have unloaded my angst for the evening, I wish you all farewell and sweet dreams.

Summer Schooling

2009-06-10T17:11:00.000-07:00

I have been praying about what to do for the summer with the kids schooling and exactly how the "plan" should go. We started homeschooling in April 2008 and we finished our K curriculum around February 2009 so we haven't been in the first grade for all that long so taking a break seems ridiculous to me right now. I have 3 goals so far for the summer. Continue Josiah on his language arts and get him to read steadily. Introduce the kids to great children's classics and read a ton. And lastly, delve into a subject that the kids choose. So I asked the kids want they would want to study and Josiah came up with an answer I am not quite so ready to delve into.
His answer? "I want to learn how animals have their babies."
My answer? silence, mouth open.....remind myself to close mouth and act cool.....more silence...remind myself to answer him....and squeeze out an "OK" from my mouth.

Where does he come up with these things?

LATER THAT SAME DAY:
Josiah: Hey Mom! I was thinking. Why didn't God give women three breast? I think he should have given them three. One here, here and here (he motioned the extra one should be between the two already in place). That way they can feed three babies at a time.
My response?: see above response.

Renewal

2009-06-08T07:01:00.000-07:00

Oh God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirst for more.
I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace.
I am ashamed of my lack of desire.
O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee;
I long to be filled with longing;
I thirst to be made more thirsty still.
Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed.
Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.
Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away."
Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland
where I have wandered so long. - A.W. Tozer.

It has been one of those weekends that we have seen and tasted that the Lord is good. Our struggle to find a church body has been on the forefront of our struggles and we found ourselves weary and heavy laden. Yet within that our most Holy God met us in the stench of our selves and brought about repentance and hope. We are no closer to finding a new church home than we were at the beginning of the weekend but our focus has returned to the main thing which is Jesus. Oh how I love that name. The road to finding a church home has been more daunting and weary than we ever imagined it would be. We have questioned our motives, questioned our responses, questioned our desires and even questioned ourselves. How does one go about picking a church? You follow the direction of the Holy Spirit in obedience.

We may end up at a church that we never thought we would attend but as long as we keep the main thing the main thing, I am hopeful. It has been such a rewarding experience to watch my very mild husband, become passionate about his family and the spiritual growth of his children. To see him set aside his comforts to reach out to Josiah and Naomi and teach them about the awesome God we serve.

Dustin and I did not grow up with parents that esteemed the Bible or attended church regularly. We do not have parents that have a relationship with Christ. We have been perplexed in how to relate our love for God to our own children, how to teach them at home and how to raise them in the admonition of the Lord. Now we understand. It all comes down to purposeful discipleship- bringing our children alongside us in our own journey in the faith. Living out a Deuteronomy 6 life. We don't need programs, we don't need to be trained teachers, we simply need to point everything back to our God who is the Creator and Sustainer of us all. Will we do it right? Some. Will we mess up? Count on it. Is there grace in all of this? Absolutely!
Praise His Holy Name!

Cubbie Verses

2009-06-07T05:46:00.000-07:00

During the last month of Cubbies, I began noticing a strange occurrence while Naomi was trying to memorize her verse. I would say them a couple of times and she would repeat the verse a couple of times and she would have it down pat. And when it came time to repeat the verse at Cubbies, she did extraordinarily well for not having worked too hard. I couldn't put my finger on it but I knew something was amiss.
It turns out that as Josiah has been working on his phonics and Naomi on her coloring, she has learned to read quite well. When we test the kids on their verses, we have their book open with the Bible verse showing so that we as the teachers get it right and besides, most kids that age don't read so it isn't a big deal. Except for my little Miss who would simply read the verse when it was her book time and not memorize the verse which is the point of going to Cubbies. I had to chuckle because reading has been an arduous task with Josiah and here is baby sister doing it all by herself. (In the picture above she is reading to Aunt Amanda and Josiah, a Scooby Doo book.)

Definition Changes

2009-06-02T22:53:00.000-07:00

I am so aggravated with a friend right now that I had to write. We have been having an on-going "conversation" about marriage versus civil unions in regards to heterosexual and homosexual relations. Obviously I am against gay marriage and he is for it since he has decided to come out of the closet. We both claim to be followers of Christ and we have known each other for a very long time. In our "conversation" he was vehement that married couples have 1500 more "rights" than those in a civil union. I recently asked him to send me a list of those added rights and he sent me the court briefs which were about 75 pages long.

I read the first five pages but all it was was legal jargon detailing the rights of married couples but not necessarily the rights of civil unions...perhaps I haven't read enough yet. But I was thinking that isn't it like a liberal to try to paper log me rather than just name the differences. So I wrote back and requested the short list. If there really are that many differences in rights, I am sure there is a list like that out there somewhere. They would be lining the streets with it if it were really the case.

The point that I cannot get over is that a group of people should not be allowed to forcibly change a definition just because they want to. That would be like me demanding blue to be defined as the blending of two colors: red and yellow. No matter how hard I scream and cry and justify it, red and yellow will NEVER make blue. The same goes with marriage. It IS and WILL always be the union of a man and woman no matter what anyone says. Some things you cannot change, no matter how hard you rant and pout about it.

My fave organization: The UN

2009-06-02T22:40:00.000-07:00

This was sent from Parental Right Org and I am sharing with everyone the need to be alert......

A parent’s right to raise their children as they see fit is a time-honored American tradition, but today it is being threatened. The Supreme Court’s Troxel v. Granville decision in 2000 undermined a 75-year heritage of Constitutionally-protected, fundamental parental rights, which 8 of the 9 justices abandoned. At the same time, a growing body of international law fuels activist judges to legislate foreign standards from the American bench, while treaties such as the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child would subject parental decisions to government oversight and international review.

Rep. Pete Hoekstra (MI-2) has proposed HJR-42, the Parental Rights Amendment, to stop the erosion of parental rights in American courts while simultaneously defending our laws from international invasion. Please, visit parentalrights.org to learn more about the Amendment, and to join their email network by signing the petition to protect parental rights.

Dinner Talk #2

2009-06-02T12:47:00.000-07:00

As we began to bow our heads to pray over our dinner, Josiah exclaimed, "I want to pray." This is a nightly request that we usually acknowledge but only after Daddy prays. Dustin provided the usual response that after he prays, Josiah may have a turn at which Josiah dropped his shoulders and began to make a face but changed his mind knowing full well that any sign of discontentment would result in the loss of praying at all as well as help with correcting the attitude. Naomi noticed the slight in fraction and says, "Daddy gets to pray because he is the pastor of our home." And she smiled a sweet, proud of herself smile and bowed her head. We both chuckled to ourselves and yet I couldn't resist having a sweet, proud of my girl smile on my face as well.

Dinner Talk #1

2009-06-01T19:17:00.001-07:00

We always get in the most interesting conversations over dinner so I am going to try to keep a record of the things that come up. Tonight we were talking about Israel and God's chosen people and how they wandered in the desert for 40 years because of their disobedience to God. the conversation was primarily between Josiah, Dustin and I but as we talked about the long path the Israelites walked, Naomi piped up and said, "They even had to walk to Canada!"

Steep path

2009-05-31T16:02:00.000-07:00

Excerpt taken from Home Sweet Home-school by Sue Maakestad in regards to going against modern culture:
There is one catch: You have to be willing to take the tomatoes to the face that come with sticking your head above the crowd. The natural reaction to such an onslaught is to bolt and run or duck down and fit in. In the army of God, neither is acceptable.

Within the last few weeks I have been questioning the way we operate as a family as well as how other families operate within their own. Questioning where we are headed and what we have been through and wondering why we seem so out of the norm. And is this the climate that I want for my kids? Is this what we intended to do as parents? Why do we seem like the only ones rearing our kids the way we do? It has been a soul searching time coupled with the fact that we are still church shopping and you can see one dozy of a mental breakdown on the way.
I have in no way come to any conclusions but I am beginning to be hopeful. This path we have chosen is hard...and lonely. We have been criticized on many fronts and I think I was starting to wonder if they were right. Remarks made on why we homeschool, why we follow a budget, why do we keep our kids with us in church, why do we not have sugary snacks around the house, why are we so conservative when it comes to public policies, why, why why? We have been called bigots, racists, simpletons, crazy, weirdos, radical extremists and much more. To tell you the truth, I have wanted to put our house in lock down and come out when the food supply is desegregated.
This path my husband and I feel called to is so hard! It is lonely and steep. And then I read of beautiful hope.
The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His right hand. I have been young and I have been old. Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his descendants begging for bread. - Psalm 37:23-25
There is so much more to write but I am still processing all these things. I am beginning to understand that this life led by convictions may be tiresome in these days on earth but if I can just hold on to that which I know, (and to the person that I know), I will enjoy seeing the bigger picture for eternity.

Rock Sculpture

2009-05-29T13:50:00.001-07:00

We were on the 405 freeway when we saw a truck hauling a large rock. I thought it would be a good teachable moment so I pointed out the rocks to the kids and was talking to them about the artist, Michaelangelo. When he saw a large chunk of marble or rock, he would also envision the "artistic piece" inside the mass. And then he would carve out what he envisioned. He viewed his work as simply letting free what was already there. So I asked the kids what they saw within the rock if they were the sculptor.

Josiah saw a dragon.
Naomi saw a cheetah.
Aunt Amanda saw a four-headed dog.
I saw a bald eagle with his wings partially spread open.
And with great anticipation the kids asked Daddy what he saw. Without missing a beat, Dustin replied, "I see a smaller rock."

So High

2009-05-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

We have had quite the lovely week. I have been savoring it all morning. The house is decent, the kids have been enjoying their studies and my husband is still my stud. I never imagined my life as a homemaker nor did I ever think I could homeschool. And quite frankly, I cannot believe how much my husband enthralls me. It is not the life I was trying to attain. I am so grateful that God did not answer my requests for the life I had desired. Unbelievably grateful for a God who gives us what is best for us.

Contentment is the key word for the week. Not because life is going well but because of how God has shown Himself to me this week. I have rediscovered how puny I am in light of an awesome and holy God. At first it was frightening and then it was humbling and now I am just in awe that the One who calls each star by name, also knows the number of hairs on my head. The one that stores the rain, also knows my name. The One that looks throughout the whole earth, enjoys my feeble attempts at worship and He wants to know ME! What an amazing God we have. It is beyond words. I think it is best summarized by the song, "So High."

LORD, THESE ARE JUST WORDS AND ARE NOT ENOUGH TO CONTAIN YOU.
JESUS JUST WORDS AND NEVER SUFFICE TO ACCLAIM YOU.
FATHER JUST WORDS AND I HAVE SO FEW,
I RUN OUT TO FAST TO SPEAK THEM TO YOU.
FATHER JUST WORDS AND I HAVE SO FEW,
I RUN OUT TO FAST TO SPEAK THEM TO YOU.
YOU ARE INDESCRIBABLE,
YOU ARE BEYOND EXPRESSION.
I RUN OUT OF WORDS FOR YOU, I CAN'T THINK THAT HIGH.
SO HEAR MY SPIRIT GROAN IN ME, A PAINFUL SENSE OF URGENCY,
TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE TO ME,
SO HIGH....

Sacred Hour Project

2009-05-20T14:41:00.001-07:00

*We began this experiment on Monday, May 18, 2009*

My new little project for our family is designating a Sacred Hour in which we go to our rooms and have the option of read, sleep, pray or think. It is designed to start to train the kids and myself to truly learn the discipline of being still before the Lord. Feet are not allowed to touch the floor. No computer time or TV time. No getting chores done. Just sitting still.

So far I have been able to read and contemplate the ideas in the book, "Crazy Love," by Francis Chan. (And I have fallen asleep for a power nap.) The ideas in this book are so foreign to me that I can only read a section at a time. To truly understand or grasp God's true self is unattainable but I think the effort to grab even a finite concept in my head is worth the struggles. Because if I view my God as BIG and ABLE, then the way I worship, the way I pray, the way I give, is drastically changed. I cannot even put into words what I am trying to understand. This search is changing me. It is changing the way I view everything and yet it is so mind boggling that I cannot comprehend it or put it into words. For me, the Sacred Hour Project has been very beneficial.

Josiah has had the worst time with this concept because he cannot play with his toys. One of the rules is that feet do not touch the floor. So he hates this new idea but isn't that how we all feel sometimes. The idea of sitting by ourselves is scary! And yet it is a discipline that will serve him for a lifetime so I will not be foregoing this any time soon.

Naomi thoroughly enjoys her time. She grabs an armful of books and sits on her bed and reads for the entire time and is not interrupted by silly brother or a questioning Mom...so I am getting a ton of missionary biographies for her to peruse. ;)

I have become, one of those

2009-05-20T14:25:00.001-07:00

I have recently overhauled our food consumption and realized that I have become one of those houses that I hated going to when I was little. The kind that didn't have fun snacks like Twinkies nor chocolate bars or fruit snacks. The kind that had fresh fruits, nuts, granola or yogurt. There was nothing to eat at those places!

Josiah had two friends over this afternoon and we had peanut butter sandwiches and fruit for lunch. The boys wanted honey in the sandwiches and did not like the mango juice we served so they settled for water. After some hard playing, the troops came by for a snack and wondered if I had any chocolate dipped marshmallows. There were a few other suggestions like ice cream and chocolate strawberries of which I did not have. So once again they settled for fruit smoothies but were dismayed when I didn't have any whipped cream. It dawned on me that my overhaul has been quite successful. My children pointed out plenty of things to eat and were so excited with the smoothies. Although I would have hated living in a house like mine when I was young, I am so glad that we have smoothly transitioned to a more healthier lifestyle but perhaps I can keep a stash of fruit snacks for those who aren't used to such living.

Hot Earth

2009-05-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

The kids spent the earlier part of the week at my mom's house in Imperial, CA which is at the very southern tip of California. They are literally 15 minutes away from the Mexico border. It is a very dry, hot place with red clay for dirt. I don't know how they handle life in the desert but they do. One particularly hot day Josiah said came inside the house and said to my mom, " Lita, you have to find a new earth to live on. This one is too hot." :)

Church Shopping

2009-05-18T07:43:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it is because we have been visiting churches for the last couple of months but we have found this process quite wearing on ourselves and our kids. Churches have many different ways that they try to "entice" a person to return. It may be in the form of a basket or card or phone call. It could be a small gift like a book or coffee mug and maybe even candy for the kids. This Sunday we visited another church and halfway during the service, Naomi looked up at me and asked, "Does this church give out candy?" And I realized, we have a problem if we are visiting churches and the kids are expecting goodies.